Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

Well Mish, I guess that's half the 'problem'. My handling of the here and now is ever changing on a daily basis, for the better. I have too many other issues and now goals to deal with than dwell over anything XW has done (in extent).

This morning, out of no-where, I recalled the conversation with my grandmother, and how heartbroken she is over what XW has done. It made me recall a statment XW made last New Years in an extrememly odd conversation we had where XW made it seem as if she wanted to come back. XW had said "I want to leave him, but so many people will get hurt" and only today did a reply come back in my head to ask, have you thought of the people you already have?

Then, as I was driving in to work, I was running late enough that it was light out, and saw 'our' old car still parked out front of "her house" that OM now drives and I got my answer; Even if she had thought about those she has or "will" hurt, it doesn't matter now.

I think I've finally hit that stage of 'true' DB'ing and look out for myself. I no longer focus on the why it is, it just is. I now look forward to waking up finally in a place to call my own, not having to tip toe around to not wake anyone else. Just plainly, being on my own and thus happy (not that I'm not now).

I'm no longer questioning what is so "wrong" with me that XW left. There isn't anything wrong with me. There were things wrong with our MR, but she was simply too weak a person to set those wrong things right. And that, will be her burden to deal with for the death of our family, the trauma to our kids, and will no doubt be the way she carries forth in every relationship she has for the rest of her life. My life will go on and be burden free.