Why is this so hard? Today is a day I feel like giving up and just letting him go.
PIGA,
I'm sorry; I know this hurts, and that doesn't even begin to describe it. It does get better, that I promise you.
I wanted to comment on the above, b/c it's important:
"Giving up" -- NO
"Letting him go" -- YES
They are NOT the same.
You need to let him (and his decisions, poor and selfish as they are right not) go, and GIVE HIM TO GOD. Literally, just pray "Here, you take him -- I have done my best." DB would call that "dropping the rope." But it DOESN'T mean you're giving up, it just means you're detaching yourself from his choices, in order to protect yourself emotionally.
Does that make sense?
It was probably THE hardest thing for me to do, and it took me MONTHS to get there. And I will never forget where I was, or what I was doing when I did it. I was mowing the lawn, praying (more like pouring my heart out to God), tears STREAMING DOWN MY FACE, and I just . . . let her go.
I told Him "I have done my best, Lord, you know that. She is yours now -- please love her, and protect her, and don't give up on her. I will wait as long as I can, but I realize now that I CAN'T CONTROL HER, and I can't say any combination of words or do any combination of actions that will bring her back to us."
And then, in my spirit's eye, I just laid her at the foot of the Cross.
