Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

There is nothing wrong with you.

I finally realized why I was still "barking up that tree." - I wanted to fix it. First for me and him, then for the whole family.
In the end, it was about the kids.

I felt that if I "gave up," moved on, that I was also letting my kids down, agreeing that breaking up their home was necessary, etc.

It's all internal BS. You are normal. But you have to think with your head and tell your heart to shut up for a while (I did this on a minute-by-minute basis!)

I think you are right. I really had divorce and what it has done to my older kids even with a good coparenting relationship. It sucked for them. Two houses, two beds, two Christmases (not all bad!), etc. We did as much as we could together but still it was hard for them. I can't imagine all of this constant drama with exh for another 16 1/2 years!

I also feel rather unattractive. This sounds strange, but I have never really had a problem finding attention. I am not talking relationship to realationship, but just flirty attention or being asked out on dates. Now I have NOTHING! Nobody flirts with me, nobody really even gives me a second look. Maybe its being middle aged with a toddler. I know that shouldn't matter but in a way it does. I feel like the ugliest, lonliest person in the world. I have always told others dating and relationships don't matter or make you happy, but it would be nice to feel at least wanted. When my first exh and I split I had quite a few guys calling and asking me out. Then when exh and I split that first year I had the same thing. Now...nothing for almost 1 1/2 years. It takes its toll on your ego.