I know and confessed to 'botteling' up. C's 'problem' seems to be it takes me more than half the session to uncoil, and when a subject gets touched that hits home, I'm quick to recoil and go quiet.
I just don't think it's for me. I mean I litterally argued with the C that no amount of therapy can change what has happened and what will happen. After all, it is what it is. And I simply refuse to make some sugar coated excuse for anything my parents or XW or anyone else has done. Period.
So I guess C sees it as I chose to accept and deal with it, what else can you do, and that is in fact my stance. But, it seems, since I 150% refuse to take 'happy pills', that is mis-construed as 'he choses to live in depression and therefore must be a threat to himself'. Of which I can not say enough I am not. Like I said, there are many of days I wake up and wished I hadn't, but that to me is certainly NOT being a threat to myself. It's living a shitty life and not being able to do a damn thing about it but try and get through as best as possible.
Another thing that popped in my head this morning is the C talks to me like I'm currently the kid who was tossed in the streets by his ever so loving parents and I find in many ways insulting. But, I think that's her 'goal', although she says she has none, to revert back in time to that point and try and fish things out from there. I don't know.
I just don't think it's for me. Blah.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
