Separated--Does Not Admit to OW

[saffie]

I completely agree with Lotus. Avoid discussing the M/R stuff before the session.

I think that being pleasant and not showing anger towards your H and acknowleding that you can see how he felt is good. It takes the heat out of things and shows you respect his opinions. However, you are right to recognise that that does not mean you have to be a doormat because YOU have feelings and opinions as well. You need to learn to put these across in a non-threatening, non-accusing way. Don't let him think you are being pleasant etc because you don't care; my H had given up on me because he thought I no longered cared about him and that was far from the truth - we had just grown apart and I didn't know how to find our way back to one another.....and then just when I thought I had achieved that he admitted the A!!! If I hadn't let him know how much I cared and how sorry I was for not showing it enough in the past we would definately have been history!!!

Have you heard of Retrouvaille, (is my spelling right Lotus?) Lotus can tell you more about this as she has been and I haven't. Although it is a weekend, followed up by other sessions, designed to help get a M back on track, some people have managed to get their partner's to go on the basis that it will teach then better communication skills that they can use with each other when dealing with the M breakdown. Strictly you are not meant to go if one of you is involved with another person, but sometimes a blind eye seems to be turned to this depending on the people running that particular course at the place you go to.

Although not all the couples I have heard of who have gone there have saved their M's, it has often helped and even helped with bringing closure in a dignified way. For some though it has been a true M saver, at a time when they thought all was lost. I have never come across anyone on the boards who said they wished they had never been.

Good luck with your session.

From my understanding of it it does not clash with DB principles and has the same end aim in mind.