I’ll reply here although this is someone else’s thread and apologize to Cas for the hijack.
1. I agree that I need to lose the concern. Having said that my H doesn’t know of any concern that I have, I share it here on this board and nowhere else. We do not have day to day contact, in the past three weeks the only contact we have had is one email exchange re finances. I never contact him and if he contacts I only reply if necessary. 2. I have said that this was a mistake. It was before I found out about the DB approach right at the beginning of our separation when I was quite frankly lost and desperate.
I do not consider him to be a friend, I’ve got friends it’s a H I want. If he were a friend would I not phone/email/text for a chat, I’ve not done this once since we separated (2 years ago).
The secrecy issue is a difficult one, we have 4 adult kids who live with me and who see their dad. I expect them to let me know when they will be home at night out of politeness so it is right that I keep them informed too. I don’t exactly know how much they share with my H, but have heard in the past that he’s been angry that I’ve been out with male friends. Secondly I had an EA 2 years before my H checked out so honesty and trust is an issue. How do I balance an honest and open approach (which is recommended after affairs) with secrecy (recommended by yourself and others)?
If I had really had let go of the M why would I need to keep any of my life secret on purpose. Surely if I was truly done would I care whether my H knew what I was up to or not?
