No, don't discuss the R before you get to the counselor. Keep talk in the car to other subjects. If he brings it up, tell him that you are on the way to see the counselor, that will be the right time to talk about those things.
"He only wants to work on helping the adult children deal with his A and their anger at him, and our separation."
That's what he wants to talk about. I guess you need to say what you want to talk about. Why let him set the agenda? Is that an appropriate agenda to set? How can we manipulate others into accepting my new situation without anger?
