In shock...

[TrentC]

Ok, I just had a lengthy convo with my sister. I told her how betrayed I felt and how hurt I am that she is talking with him so much. I explained how I felt about our separation and how I want to proceed. I told her I was very angry at the thought that she was spewing negativity to him because that is what she says to me when we talk about it.

She said she is sorry to hurt me. She said they don't always talk about the separation, they are just having friendly conversation. (They were good friends before he and I started dating) She said she is not telling him to leave. She tells me to get over him and let him go because she doesn't want to see me hanging around for years waiting on something that might never happen. She doesn't want me to put everything on hold for him.

This is where my handy speech would come in...

I explained my outlook on things right now and how I was not sitting here waiting for him. I have a plan of action and I am trying to implement it. I would appreciate less family involvement while we work on things. I discussed my feelings on where things went wrong with us and how I see the breakdown from my side. (at this point, if she takes it back to him this would actually be good. he won't listen to me when i tried to explain these things)

What happened to this?

I will not go in-depth with anyone but you all and the counselor.

Why are you laying this all out to someone that you have said that you can't trust? She is interfering with your marriage and needs to be told to butt out.

You have no idea what she's going to tell your husband. Hells bells, you don't even know if she's telling him the truth about what you say. Or telling you the truth, for that matter.

I told her that I am giving him his space. I am allowing him time to really think about his decision because it is going to affect a lot of people for the rest of our lives. I told her I feel like crap for looking at the phone records but that when everyone around me is telling me he is cheating it puts doubt in my heart. She expressed her inability to see him as a cheater, which I wholeheartedly agree with. If it weren't for so many people putting the doubt there it wouldn't have been so prevalent in my mind.

We don't throw these theories out for no reason, you know.

* You said that they were good friends before you were married
* She's telling you not to wait around for him
* You said that she was jealous of your married life

I also told her that I question her motives in talking to him and started to wonder if she were the other woman in his life. She did not jump defensively and did not have a huge reaction to that. She said she was not interested in seeing us apart. She wants us to work out, but she does not want to be my cheerleader in case it ends up hurting me in the end. She thought she was being a good sister by doing things this way.

Rule number one: Cheaters lie. I have never seen someone confess to having an affair without being confronted with concrete proof.

I also told her I felt like she was his spy. I felt like anything I do or say would get back to him in a timely fashion. She denied that but said that he does ask how I am and how things are going with me and the kids. I asked her to keep any and all conversation about our separation limited to positive phrases and encouragement.

Yes, because she's been so good about respecting your privacy until now...

I have set my boundaries for the situation but I cannot enforce them with her.

What boundary did you set? I missed it. Also, an unenforceable boundary is not a boundary at all.