Question

[awest1217]

Today went really well. H was late because he made me a CD of "Glee" music because he knows I am obsessed with the show. Since H has been gone, the nights that it was on, I always had great facebook statuses so it shows how much he has been thinking about me. I told him how much I loved it, and even "showed off" to my sister and my friend because we all love the show. I know H loved that I was so excited about his gift, and I wasn't just acting. I love the CD.

We went grocery shopping which was great and H talked about getting another job because he does not have enough money. I don't understand because H has no bills and I asked about it and he can't explain it either. I mean now that he is giving me the child support, he has a total of $1200, which is calculating high, and he makes around $1900 take home, but he still is barely making ends meet. Who knows, but I just asked about it and let it go. We laughed some, sang together, and had fun getting groceries. I asked him for help when I needed it like picking stuff up for me in another aisle with S or helping push the cart. Usually I would have just done everything myself.

When we got back to the house, H instead of staying for dinner as planned said he "wasn't hungry" and "needed to get back to the house", he is not calling it his house as often, which is a small step. With S getting his tubes the day after Thanksgiving, I said something about Thanksgiving and the arrangements with S for the holidays. I didn't say anything about us, but I made sure to keep it to S and didn't bring up the fact that we weren't together or anything. I probably could have saved this for another time, but I never really know when I will talk to H and I need to plan Thanksgiving for me. H asked my plans and I said I was planning on going to my grandma's. I told him he is invited for Thanksgiving, but I need to know by next week so she can plan. He said he would like to come "because he has nothing else to do". Then I said he could have S for Christmas Eve (because H's extended family always does Christmas Eve) and I would have S for Christmas day. Then I said if I have S to myself on Thanksgiving then he could have him for New Year's Day. This brought tears to his eyes, but I just stayed matter of fact, not mean or angry, but plan oriented (once again I could have waited, but the opportunity presented itself). I am not trying to hurt him, but before he came back last time, he said one reason he came back is because when I said L, H thought that his life was going to change and he was comfortable with the way things were. I don't want him to get "comfortable" again. I was doing this to make sure he understood I still have my boundaries without being mean. I am not going to spend the holidays with him when he is still gone.

Before he left, I thanked him again for the great gift and the time he took to help me out. Later i called because S would not eat dinner and H talked to him so then he ate. Finally I ended the night with H by texting him saying how thankful I was for the note, CD, and the time he took to be with S and I. I said how helpful it was to me. Then I said good night. I know he wants to help me, and me asking for help and he being able to help will help our relationship because I will be less stressed and he will feel needed. I am not asking all the time, but when he is available I do ask when I do really need help. Also I want him to know that I am noticing his changes.

Good things are happening! I just keep praying they keep going. The holidays will be hard, but also a good dose of reality for H.