In shock...

[praying_in_GA]

Ok, I just had a lengthy convo with my sister. I told her how betrayed I felt and how hurt I am that she is talking with him so much. I explained how I felt about our separation and how I want to proceed. I told her I was very angry at the thought that she was spewing negativity to him because that is what she says to me when we talk about it.

She said she is sorry to hurt me. She said they don't always talk about the separation, they are just having friendly conversation. (They were good friends before he and I started dating) She said she is not telling him to leave. She tells me to get over him and let him go because she doesn't want to see me hanging around for years waiting on something that might never happen. She doesn't want me to put everything on hold for him.

I explained my outlook on things right now and how I was not sitting here waiting for him. I have a plan of action and I am trying to implement it. I would appreciate less family involvement while we work on things. I discussed my feelings on where things went wrong with us and how I see the breakdown from my side. (at this point, if she takes it back to him this would actually be good. he won't listen to me when i tried to explain these things)

I told her that I am giving him his space. I am allowing him time to really think about his decision because it is going to affect a lot of people for the rest of our lives. I told her I feel like crap for looking at the phone records but that when everyone around me is telling me he is cheating it puts doubt in my heart. She expressed her inability to see him as a cheater, which I wholeheartedly agree with. If it weren't for so many people putting the doubt there it wouldn't have been so prevalent in my mind.

I also told her that I question her motives in talking to him and started to wonder if she were the other woman in his life. She did not jump defensively and did not have a huge reaction to that. She said she was not interested in seeing us apart. She wants us to work out, but she does not want to be my cheerleader in case it ends up hurting me in the end. She thought she was being a good sister by doing things this way.

I also told her I felt like she was his spy. I felt like anything I do or say would get back to him in a timely fashion. She denied that but said that he does ask how I am and how things are going with me and the kids. I asked her to keep any and all conversation about our separation limited to positive phrases and encouragement.

All in all, I feel better. While I do feel she was holding some of their conversation topics back from me, I cannot control what they talk about or do. I can only control myself and right now I am going to let this one go. I have set my boundaries for the situation but I cannot enforce them with her. I will watch everything I say and do around her now so that I can limit the information she can carry back to him.

I have not talked to him about it yet. I don't know what to say or where to go with the conversation. I know he initiated the contact once in the two weeks they have been speaking. That was after our spat about me having to do it all while he got to sleep in and didn't have to take care of the kids. Other than that it has been her initiating the contact.

I do not 100% trust her and I will continue to be wary of her actions throughout this separation. For now I will focus on the plan of action I have found and continue to work on me and my kids.