Face to face is the hardest because when you see the face it just melts all that you learned to do. It all goes out the window and the old ways are so easy to go back to because they are so comfortable. We have to remember that if it hasn't worked in the past it still won't work.
When I'm expecting wife's presence (which is, oh, once every 6-8 weeks at this point), I try to prepare and rehearse a script, a topic I will lead with and prepare replies and non-replies for possible/probable things she'll come out of left field with. Doesn't always work, but at least I'm centered when she arrives. FWIW Keep going.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
