Thank you all so much. I think I am starting to "get it" a little after rereading your posts and talking to my daughter who also thinks I am being a doormat. I dont know if it is because I am still too emotional and kinda not thinking clearly but when you give me examples like Puppy and Saffie did I get it but when I try to put DB into effect myself--I get stuck on being pleasant and sound happy and busy and doing a 180 which somehow I have interpreted as not being angry or demanding about the A so he will be shocked at my non typical peaceful response. My H hasnt tried to be intimate since about a month ago so I dont need to worry about that anymore but I now see how desperate I was to want that. Now that he doesnt need me for the funeral he has stopped communicating. We will drive 1 1/2 hrs to the DB counselling session in IL on Friday where he only wants to work on helping the adult children deal with his A, their anger at him, and our separation. Any help you can give me on boundaries til I get better at it would be appreciated. Do you think we should discuss R in the car beforehand? He tells me and our adult kids he has "no plan" yet. Would requesting he clarify what that means and how you end up making a decision at some point when you have no specific plans as to how to decide about besides moving out and seeing the OW--would that be setting a boundary or pursuing or controlling. I dont trust my instincts at all anymore and I want to stop being a doormat--I really do. HELP me do that. You all seem so together and knew what to say to your spouses
