No way Kerry. I am not bitter. I have learned the meaning of true love thru all of this and if I am capable of it so are other people.
I don't like angry bitter divorced people. I am not one, nor will I ever be one. I am by nature positive and happy.
The question of whether or not I would take him back is not answerable at this point because unless he showed personal growth by attending counseling before he came home it wouldn't happen. I am moving forward with a life without him and if he wakes up in time so be it, if not I will spend the rest of my days happy. I will find love again. Only with true change would I be happy with him. At this point, I see that as a fanstasy or a pipe dream if you will. So, I will not and do not bet on any reconcillation at all. I will be contacting an attorney in the next few days.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
He called finally talked to one of the kids and wanted to know if they wanted to go look at a boat with him tomorrow. "it will be fun". To which S says "what's fun about that? you looking for another house"
It seems H is going to spend 80,000 on a boat tomorrow to live on. Great that's what we were gonna do when we retired together... now he's gonna get to it anyway without me. Our dream.... can he dig any deeper into my pain threshold?
Anyway, I am not sure how we can afford another 80,000 dollar debt... but he's says it will be cheaper in the long run. Uuumm last time I checked big boats are expensive to maintain.
Crazy times... I begged him not to sign anything till I talked with my L who is out of town till Mon.
Any advice on how this will affect the settlement?
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I think it depends on the state but my L put in the response that any debt happened after date of separation was given to spouse that incurred it. Just make sure you don't sign anything for a loan and the less you know about the boat the better. It will be his responsibility.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Usually once a D is filed, assets are frozen so as to prevent things like what your H is attempting.
I had a sail boat for many years. Not big enough to comfortably live on but for a week or so at a time, but I can attest to the definition of a boat - "a hole in the water into which one throws money". It seemed that whenever I went into West Marine to get some minor item, I ended up spending at least $500 on other stuff.
I am sorry to hear of your dream of retiring on a boat being dashed, but bear in mind that you are young enough to find someone again with similar dreams.
Oh, SC. When it rains it pours, doesn't it? I feel the same way thinking about my stbx building 'our' dream home on the farm and living there with our kids half the time...
This is rough. Not sure if it varies from state to state but here, debt incurred before the d is filed is considered joint debt. Maybe date of separation counts, do you have a way to verify the date of separation??
Well, if it were me I would call the lawyer's office tomorrow morning first thing and tell them what he is doing. They should be able to give you some advice and maybe initiate some action to keep him from incurring debt and using joint cash for a down payment if that is his intent.
welll the date is yesterday... he will have a hotel receipt. I have asked him to hold off. It's crazy!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I have appointment with lawyer on Monday. H has agreed to not purchase anything till I talk to her about the ramifications. His reasoning for doing this is it's cheaper.... he wont' have to buy furniture and such... but I told him he won't have a home for the kids.... he says there will be enough room to sleep for all of them.
I told him that they would wan tthe kids in seperate rooms based on their ages... and he said that was BS.... but what do I know I told him i am only sharing the facts that lawyer told me about last time. Of course, they are facts and that makes himn nadder because that's real world stuff.
I keep pulling him back to the real world when I discuss bills, housing, and such.... shame on me but I guess I am not gonna stick my head in the sand and HOPE it works out for the best. I am gonna work it out for the best for all 4 of us.
But talks like these remind me of where I need to be and what I need to be doing. He wanted me get a job and contribute which I have no problem with except he forgets the fact that I have stayed home for 15 years while we have fostered his career and he makes well into the 3 figures. So, I will have to go back to school to make that happen. It will take 3-4 years and he didn't like that either. But I think even the judge will make him pay for me getting educated since we have been all about his career becuase we moved so much for it... it wasn't feasible for me to have one and I didn't need one.
Shed a few tears today, but that's to be expected... I have told a few people (friendsz)... kids still dont' want contact and tonight is my D's soccer parent vs. kids game.... so sad she doens't want him there because it will be weird and awkward. I told her I would not go if she rather her daddy and she said no I am really mad at him and I don't when I wont' be..... I know it will pass and I pray that he will step up to the plate to be a nice dad but I have my doubts.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
You will definitely be awarded rehabilitative spousal support. Your final divorce decree should have wording that says that the need for spousal support is subject to review later. This means the court may look at the facts of a case and determine if spousal support should be continued, discontinued, or the amount changed.
I think it is best that you have the 2 lawyers negotiate for a settlement. Your H is delusional and will be difficult for you to personally negotiate with so as you get a fair deal. Too much emotion involved on both your parts. Treat the thing like a business deal and all should work out. You H is going to notice his financial situation change drastically because of his choices.
The question of whether or not I would take him back is not answerable at this point because unless he showed personal growth by attending counseling before he came home it wouldn't happen. I am moving forward with a life without him and if he wakes up in time so be it, if not I will spend the rest of my days happy. I will find love again. Only with true change would I be happy with him. At this point, I see that as a fanstasy or a pipe dream if you will. So, I will not and do not bet on any reconcillation at all. I will be contacting an attorney in the next few days.
You are so right on about this. Unless he gets IC things would never truly change. I like the fact you asked him for the keys to the house. He's about to get a rude awakening. How old are your kids by the way? Is it realistic for them to spend that much time (weekend visitations, a few weeks during summer vacation, etc.) on a boat?
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
