Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

So I'm painting my living room, at its going great. I'm watching a great t.v show at the same time and everything is fine. Then my best friend calls and tells me about her day and night. Her family day and family night. And the renovating they are doing to their home, and it just sparks the renovating my H told me he supposedly wants to do to our house two weeks ago. And it all comes barrelling down on me again. If its not one thing, its another. I try so hard not to let it bother me but its impossible.

Then get yourself to a doctor first thing tomorrow. Talk to him about anxiety issues.

If it is a chemical imbalance, you cannot just "make" yourself feel better. You will sit there and dwell on thoughts and feelings you cannot control until you drive yourself mad.

Trent, I talked to H a couple of nights ago about sat. night. He assured me without me asking that she is so annoying. All she did was talk about herself all night. I know he dislikes her, he always has.

It's up to you if you want to believe him, but methinks he doth protest too much.

His reputation at work would be ruined if he ever pursued anything with her as she applied to his service and they denied her because she has serious issues.

He moved out of his house and left his wife and kids. This is not a guy who worries much about his reputation right now...

How long is it going to take to finally come home. If he really wanted to would he not be here by now?

Dammit, I'm going to start making you pay me a dollar every time you do this. Either that, or I'm going to find another thread to read because you cannot help yourself!

STOP TRYING TO HIS READ HIS MIND. I have said this at least once a day for the past week.

You cannot guess what is going through his mind right now. Can. Not.

You are literally wasting time and energy on this speculation, and spinning yourself out emotionally by doing so. It is harmful to your well-being, so WHY DO YOU DO IT?

He keeps deleting the new emails that come in, but he leaves [the xmas party invite] in the inbox. I hate seeing it there, cause it leads me to believe he is waiting to see how things go with us before then. His crew at work is pure couples. There isn't one single person. Those types of things bother H. There I go again, mind-reading.

Yes, you do. No matter how much we tell you not to, you have to waste time trying to figure it out, trying to find an angle to lift yourself up or knock yourself down.

I realize that part of this thread is just journaling. But it doesn't change the fact that you spend far too much time obsessing over his state of mind. You shouldn't need to journal it because it shouldn't matter to you.

Here's a simple solution to the Christmas party question: make other plans. You do not go to that Christmas party with him, no matter how much he wants you to. Find a Christmas concert to go to. Take the kids out and go sightseeing around the neighborhood at Christmas lights. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Anything but that party.