Rocked, I've been following along silently. I am so sorry about Bomb2, but you seem to be doing well. Admirably well. You're getting great advice. Especially, of course, from the Pupster. Follow it.
And about following along silently: I sometimes make it a point to look at my thread (and others) and look at the numbers: there are 2 categories, The number who have viewed a given post and the number who have replied to that given post.
It is usually a ratio of about 10:1, So I not only make it a point to take comfort and solace from those who respond to me, but to also make it a point to look at how many in our community have also read my post and perhaps commiserated even if they did not "chime in". Look at your numbers. There's a LOT of us out here.
Keep up your strength, your meds, your meals. Keep going.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
This DB family is pretty amazing! We pull together for each other and that sense of knowing that there is a safe place to come where you will be heard and encouraged... is truly a lifeline for us many times.
I am very grateful.
Got a bit of a snooze in this afternoon and then I will be heading to C appt. As for eating... well, a granola bar so far but truly can't manage more yet. I know that will come back.
Have contacted a few more key people in my support system for support, and can trust confidentiality. This is helping me feel stronger. I know I am not alone... abandoned but not alone.
Hi Rocked I would urge you to take the meds - they usually take about 14 days to really kick in and can often upset your tummy whilst you are getting used to them - therefore you MUST eat something. If you can't, then please drink milk, it will prepare your stomach to absorb them more easily.
As for a month off work, speaking with my medical hat on, I totally disagree. I think that you should force yourself to remain at work and in as normal a routine as you possibly can - I know that you are not going to feel like it right now and I do think that a couple of days off is a good idea but there are plenty of good and most positive reasons for attending:
1 It's NORMAL and that's what you need right now, normality 2 Folk there will support you 3 It will occupy your mind and give you a 'holiday' from your problems 4 You will continue to earn - not only money, but respect - respect from your family, friends, colleagues and most of all, SELF-respect 5 Your employer will thank you for it - especially if they know what's happening in your life.
If you can just hold your head above water without making too many mistakes, then you should be there. It's only if you are falling apart that you should stay home. Believe me. You won't be comfortable with it but it WILL pay dividends.
Good luck.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
As for eating... well, a granola bar so far but truly can't manage more yet. I know that will come back.
Don't MAKE me come over there, Rocked!!!
Hey, I have an idea: let's get AFlowerGirlie to cook for YOU, instead of for her deadbeat husband!!
Puppy
Haha... bring it! The idea of AFG cooking for me... love it! I will work on it, promise....
Nell, I really believe this is best for me given the nature of my work, which I don't feel comfortable sharing on this forum yet. Plus, it is giving me extra time with the kids, as I have a long commute every day. That is really good for me and them.
As for today... We will see where it goes. H initaiated a family game night last night. Even invited S18 to drive out and join us. This is all good, except that I am now starting to get the pressure of who are you going to tell etc. I am going to need strength from you folks here because I can tell he is going to try to convince me why to keep as quiet as possible.
This is all good, except that I am now starting to get the pressure of who are you going to tell etc. I am going to need strength from you folks here because I can tell he is going to try to convince me why to keep as quiet as possible.
Tell him that it's none of his business who you choose to confide in. He started this, he gets to reap the consequences. (It's also part of the script; the fewer people who know about it, the less pressure there is to keep things "normal".)
With that said, I would be very careful who you tell. Your friends and family will support you, but trying to fight to save a marriage is -- unfortunately -- not very common, and you will get some pressure to "not waste your time" and "just let him go if he wants to go so badly".
Also, it will be harder for your friends and family to accept a reconciliation if you air too much dirty laundry about your R to them. I would keep any discussion of the split focused on you and your feelings, and not on his actions.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
As for today... We will see where it goes. H initaiated a family game night last night. Even invited S18 to drive out and join us. This is all good, except that I am now starting to get the pressure of who are you going to tell etc. I am going to need strength from you folks here because I can tell he is going to try to convince me why to keep as quiet as possible.
This is ABSOLUTELY "script" -- once they are exposed (or self-confess), a wayward spouse will usually butter you up to get you to either DO something or NOT do something.
Stand your ground.
"I haven't made any decisions yet," or "I'm in no rush to make any decisions," or "My position hasn't changed" are all good replies.
My wife was SWEET AS SYRUP when she found out I was going to go for full custody of our sons. After a couple of weeks of statements like the above, she went right back to being full of bile when it started to appear that she wasn't going to get her way.
Dear Rocked, So sorry to hear about the bomb, you are in my prayers. Sounds like you are doing everything right to protect yourself, & to stay strong. Your post last week was such an inspiration for me I printed it off & read it over the weekend (my home computer's down) for encouragement. This board IS a lifeline, and you have given as much good as perhaps you've received. I want to thank you for that.
Wishing you some peaceful rest and nourishment soon (maybe a smoothie?). (((RDW))))
