Still Wondering How To Handle Things!!

[kissak]

ok, so my H and I went out to eat Friday night. Everything seemed more comfortable than it had in the past when we would do this. I decided at dinner to ask what had been on his mind lately. So, we talked about somethings. I asked what had brought all this about this time....it basically had come down to me being his friend through all of this. That he had lots of so called "friends", but when he needed them they werent there for him like he would be for them. I on the other hand have always been there for him.

Then he said it was also out of simplicity. I asked him did he mean it was convienient....he said no, it wasnt like that....just simplier to come home than to be on his own...starting over. Im not sure what to make of that comment, but it was a red flag to me.

I did end up telling him that after talking to him I didnt feel like he was ready to come home. I told him he still had issues he seemed to be working through and I did not wanna walk on eggshells around him.

Basically this has nothing to do with me really. Or our marriage...its all about him. He is the kind of person that has to know for sure that he is doing the right thing before he does it. He has to play it all out in his head. He has to "GET IT".

We did agree that he needed to make a decision either way and not let things continue the way they have. He said he hasnt brought up the separation papers or divorce in the last year because I havent brought them up and if neither of us was concerned about it then he didnt have to think about it.......

Im not sure where we stand now....I told him that us dating would be ok...He wanted me to get the kids opinion and I said no...that Im sure they would want him home and I wasnt going to bring it up to them. No need to get their hopes up right now.

I think he is still having some issues with the exOW not wanting to even be his friend. I think he is more hurt by that than her not being with him. OF course I am only assuming this. Really I see him hurting over it....and I wonder how long this hurt will last...we didnt talk about the Ex OW at all during our dinner.

Funny thing is that we had longer to talk during dinner because they messed up our order and we were there 30 min longer waiting and we did end up getting half off our order!

After dinner we went and did a little shopping which was nice and he seemed very comfortable. IN the past he would comment on dates that he was really nervous but not this time.

Im really not sure what is going to happen right now. I have no idea...Im just taking it all one day at a time.

The one thing I know for sure is that he isnt ready to come home, and this we both know.