I've been trying the Gucci approach too, limited success I must say. H has noticed, he's not happy (kids told me) that I've been out with a male friend, but he's not said/done anything about it.
Can't speak for Gucci, and won't, but I can tell you a few things I see wrong with YOUR approach.
1st - "H has noticed, he's not happy (kids told me) that I've been out with a male friend, but he's not said/done anything about it."
WHO CARES? You need to lose the concern. It is not until a wife checks out and fades away that a husband opens his eyes and takes notice. You are not there yet. You are pretending/bluffing and its obvious and it wont have the affect you so desire. Stop worrying about the affect and study the methods. Read it over and over again on this site. It goes ...
I had an affair; now my wife is having one and I want her back soo badly. I have been emotionally distant and uncaring towards my wife; now shes out to 3 in the morning. I was verbally abusive to my wife now she's moved out and won't answer my calls. Or in the least, my wife says shes wants a divorce what can I do to stop this, I was one of the above.
Stop thinking about how he's going to react. Who cares. You are still clinging onto friendship. He's a 'friend' right? Why should a friend care who you are sleeping with? Oh, he does, hmmm.... Well think of it this way then 'aren't I the cutest the girl you ever lost. What you going to do to win me back, the dishes, the laundry, massage my stinky feet? too little too late. try harder. Loser.'
You are still doing the pursuing. The only one your husband wants pursuing him is the drunk blonde at the bar at 3am that doesnt even know her own name (thats rude but probably true). Pursuit doesnt work and its best you turns this around with a lot of mystery and a noticeable change in concern.
#2 - "I did go out for dinner/concerts with male friends at the beginning of our separation; my H didn’t like it at all so I stopped as I didn’t want to push him further away. That may in hindsight have been a mistake, perhaps I should have been bolder and said that it was none of his business that we’d moved on etc."
Ahh... Yeah. What are you a possession? He's got a piece on the side, wants you at home alone and you are afraid to push him further away? Something is wrong with that picture.
And why is he finding out. You broke the number one rule, secrecy. These little flings of yours need to thrive in secrecy, linger on and on, stand in the way of any sort of reconcillation. Mind you, I'm not suggesting you belly up and arch your back, but he has got to feel he lost his best girl. Sorta like the crisis that brought you here. I think its called a broken heart.
So lets recap what we have learned on this site:
She emotionally cold and distant to me. She never calls me nor does she answer my calls any more. She clings to the edge of the bed. She sits there like her mind is elsewhere. She's always going out shopping or to her mothers as soon as I get home from work. She doesnt come home until late. When she comes home she is always smiling and taking to me. Is this a sign that things are getting better. She's all buddy buddy with this guy from work. They do lunch and talk on the phone about his marriage problems. She says there is nothing go on they are just friends. Should I set a boundary that she doesnt text him in front of me. She keeps telling me she just needs space and that I am controlling. Her toxic BFF is the problem, they go out until all hours of the morning. What can I do to save my marriage?
