"Playing games with H tells him one thing. He knows you and that means that he knows who you are - 'faking it' and 'acting out a pretence' tells him that you are being untrue to yourself - if you are not being true to yourself, how are you being true to him? This instils fear in him - he is scared and he will run away. It is not what works.
You may not want him to see your vulnerability, hurt, anger, bitterness or rage but to tell him in a controlled fashion that these emotions are what you are feeling will do far more good than harm. He will understand that you are telling the truth and therefore he will have nothing to fear from your open conversation. Playing games makes him fearful. Pretending makes him fearful. It is not the real you. It is not the true you. It's not where he wants to be, or stay.
The truth is what will bring him closer and show him that you are being genuine. The truth will allow him to want to spend more time with you - maybe. He is afraid of your games and each time you invite him, he declines as he is fearful of who/what you are trying to be.
You don't have to reveal all your thoughts - you don't have to be utterly transparent but you will achieve more in being open about where you are sitting than by all the games that you have been acting out with him to date - and have they worked? The answer is a resounding no".
EK, I think your C is trying to tell you to feel your feelings and if something is bothering you then bring it up. Be authentic, be true to yourself and be courageous. I think alot of people are afraid that we won't be loved if someone else could see into us. We all have fears, doubts, frailities and quirks. We also crave intimacy - physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. So to get there we need to allow the intimacy (intomesee) to happen.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
