Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

I hear everyone's advice. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I get now why maybe I'm not successfully DB'ing. My fear is my worst enemy right now. I'm scared to put that boundary up about walking in when he pleases because I don't want him to get mad at me.

That is the textbook definition of co-dependant behavior.

We get along so great that I feel like if I let him do what he wants then he will continue to be happy around me and eventually want to come home to our happy home.

And how has that been working for you, anyway? Week 7 of trying to do your best to please him, and how much closer is he to coming home?

Answer: it's not working. You know it's not working, but you want to be right rather than do what is right.

If I set those boundaries then it causes anger and then there goes my chances. That's is just the feelings in me right now.

And because you keep going with your feelings, you've gotten nowhere. Which is what we've been saying, and what the book says.

I am going to avoid contact at all cost for the next day or two. The kids come back tomorrow night so I can really only avoid it today and most of tomorrow. But it will be better than the everyday contact we've been having lately.

Wait, I thought you had a week to yourself?

I feel like my H wants to come and go as he pleases because its still his house. ALL his stuff is still here. ALL his clothes are still in the closet and dressers. Nothing has changed except for when he removed a handful of clothes out in a suitcase. I think he would be mad because it IS still his house and HIS stuff IS still all here. ????

Remember this: He walked out on you and the kids. He's pretty damn lucky that he doesn't come home tomorrow and find all of his stuff in garbage bags on the sidewalk.