Ah, but then things went downhill just because I saw W. There was a cool event at church so even though it's W's weekend, I asked if I could take the girls.
They wanted to go. We had a great time. Then I dropped them off, but she wanted me to sign some flu shot papers before I could leave.
So I was there for a couple of minutes -- and my resolve crumbled, although she couldn't see. That beautiful face. The house was clean. She used the time at church to rake the yard.
We're almost at six months out and when I see her, I see no change in her resolve.
I left to play cards and haven't been able to focus for the rest of the day.
True detachment is seeing her and being able to handle it.
Here's another small addition that may be adding to it. On the way to church, D10 said she asked W if she missed me. W told her she wasn't going to talk to her about whether she's made a final decision before talking to me since it affects me.
Lots of little things adding up to her filing soon. I keep telling myself, and sometimes I believe it, that I'm looking forward to the filing because financially a divorce is better than the limboland I'm living in.
But I'm guessing the actual day I receive the papers will be another tough one.
Last edited by ClingingToHope; 11/08/0910:22 PM.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
The only thing I can say positive here is at least W is not putting your daughters in the middle. This is very mature of her. She is protecting them. Once again you need to not think negative. She did not say she didn't miss you and she didn't say she did miss you. Yes, you should prepare for the worst, but at the same time hope for the best. Hope if all we have and one of my friends who is right now going through a divorce said "when you have lost hope then you know it is over" (her husband cheated on her twice in the course of a year, plus doing drugs, and a few other things).
Papers may be coming, but then again she might have heard some things from the lawyer that is making her rethink her options. Right now you are not sure what she is thinking, so don't focus on it.
Really try this week to focus on the positive. Force yourself to see some positive things in your life. The more you focus on the negative the more negative you will get, but if you start focusing on the positive (no matter how small), you will start bringing more and more positive to you. You may not get everything you want, but you will get more positives.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
It is actually good to not talk to W because that way you don't have to worry about wrong things being said. W did tell your girls she wants to talk to you before she talks to them, and with no papers yet...maybe they aren't coming? I don't know how it is in IL, but my L said here the papers would come pretty much that week, but IL may take longer. I do know she has to give them to you ASAP so not getting anything is good.
I hope you have a good day!
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
W just called. Problem with the flu shots for D7. She ended up yelling at the doctor's office. She yelled at the school nurse last week.
I can't blame her on these. They ran out of flu shots and told her not to call back until after Thanksgiving.
Really, it's the phone call that I wonder about. I know it's about the kids but it's really to unload stress. I don't feel like cutting her off. Dottie says I should be listening, listening, listening.
But is this cake-eating?
Should I cut off all contact other than absolutely necessary communication?
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
W just called. Problem with the flu shots for D7. She ended up yelling at the doctor's office. She yelled at the school nurse last week.
I can't blame her on these. They ran out of flu shots and told her not to call back until after Thanksgiving.
Really, it's the phone call that I wonder about. I know it's about the kids but it's really to unload stress. I don't feel like cutting her off. Dottie says I should be listening, listening, listening.
But is this cake-eating?
Should I cut off all contact other than absolutely necessary communication?
I don't think so. What harm can come from just listening?
I am with the others. Remember the point is for her to realize what mistake she has made. How is she hurting you if you are just listening. Listening is the best way to show you care for someone. Yeah it takes some of your time, but what is a few minutes in the course of a lifetime. Take it as a positive that she is calling you to destress, and not anyone else. If you look at it as a positive instead of her "cake eating", then it won't be as hard to do. BE POSITIVE!
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Something that took me a while to realize is we men are "fixers." When confronted with a problem, we want to DO something to solve the problem.
When women talk about their problems, they don't want us to fix them. They just want us to LISTEN.
Fundamental difference between us and them. But VERY real.
Let your W tell you what's on her mind. Fight the instict to fix her problem, and just LISTEN. Give her your attention. Ask the occasional open ended question to keep her talking.
Yes, we like to be listened to and validated. That is very important to most women. We have to talk through things out loud that effect our emotions.
CTH - Listening to her is fine. Giving her advice on how to 'solve' her problems is not. She is a big girl and has to wear her big girl panties (I just love it when Greek says that). That includes dealing with all of the 'little' things daily that set her off.
It does sound like she has a real problem interacting with people when things don't go her way.
They told her not to call back until after Thanksgiving about the shots? She needs to look at this logically. There is only so much vaccine. They can not give it to everyone right now, only the MOST vulnerable. Vaccine is 'grown' not manufactured. It only grows so fast. There is no way to speed that production up. She will have to bite her tongue along with the rest of us who are desperately looking for shots for our kids. Bathe the little ones in Purell and hope for the best!
When do you have the girls again?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
