Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

I'm on the couch watching t.v and he strolls in and sits down on the chair, what am I to do?

Say "hey" and keep watching TV. Let him do what he needs to do and then go.

I think he still craves that contact with me. In a way he still needs that "wife" interaction with me. That's why I am soooooooo confused right now.

Yes because you are still trying to mind-read, after weeks of being told that it won't get you anywhere. You say you know better, but you keep doing it. As long as you keep doing it, you will keep driving yourself insane.

STOP IT.

Trent, I know I screwed up on Sat. But could you please tell me why you feel I am not really DB'ing? I feel like I am, but if not I could really use your thoughts so I can get started! Thank you so much.

You are not DB'ing yet because you cannot detach. As CityGirl says, you have not set any boundaries; he gets to live his life however he wants, and you go out of your way to make yourself available for him.

The banquet is a perfect example; you knew it would make you unhappy to go, but he talked you into going because you convinced yourself that he would make it easy on you, even when you knew that's not what he was going to do. The other woman was just extra icing on the crap cake that you set up for yourself.

Until you start living your life for you and your kids, and not for your husband or for your marriage, you are fighting a losing battle. You will make yourself miserable and you won't make any headway with him.

You said earlier that you were "wasting another day" at home. This is another example of not detaching, because I bet somewhere there is a hope that he will stop by for some reason.

You say that you think he craves contact with you? There's one way to find out for sure. Don't give it to him and see what happens. Go and buy some paint and paint your room. Or go to the library. Or go to meetup.com and find something to do. Check the Living section of your paper.

Better yet, get dressed and head to your doctor, or an urgent care facility, and talk to them about your anxiety and see what they can do for you. I did this before I got an IC and they were able to prescribe something for me that day.