IMO, to 'save' a M you need to be able to see what went wrong in the first place. You need to know why OW was able to get a look in.
Once you know that and you think that you can change things so the same situation won't happen again AND you are both committed, perhaps you can starting the piecing process.
OW will raise her ugly head and make you feel insecure. For me, the only way to deal with that was to know that my H and I were strong and the same circumstances that led to the downfall would not happen again.
I had a very child centred M, (still have), but now we make time for one another. It is hard. I never trust my H's workplace as that is where he met OW. He is CEO so he is in a position of some power. BUT it brings in the money to pay for my childrens' lives so I bite on it and have to trust that as long as things seem good between us and we want to give one another attention, things will be ok.
I listen to the way my H talks about stuff really well now. He talks about our future and old age together; what we will do when all the children have left home etc. That sort of talk all went away when the M was bad and he was having his A; that was what I sensed but didn't really 'see' when he was in the midst of his A and before I knew for certain he was cheating.
I worried that I would not know if he did the same thing to me again, but my T told me that I would be so in tune with my feelings this time that he doubted that could happen.
Gradually the ability to trust myself has started to build up again.
Don't let being afraid of the 'what if's' stop you trying again. If you don't try you will never know. What is that old phrase? "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Kalni, piecing is not easy, but I believe you have the strength to do this.
You have my email. Use it whenever you want.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
