Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Hey, just to loosen you up a little today, guess what? I was IM'd last night by....a Greek guy! Don't know if that's good or bad, you tell me?? He seemed very nice except he is a Cornhusker fan. (Nebraska Football)
stbxH is very nice since Saturday night. I mean it. I am not making it up. Calls me, keeps the conversation going with remarks such as "dont you have anything to say?" forcing me to talk to him, tells me his wherebaouts without me asking him, planning for the immediate future- asked me to go to the game again on Sat (no fear of bumping into anyone I guess), go out with a famous player and his wife that he works with next week- was hugging and kissing me all the time he ws with us on Sunday etc etc.
Since the work issue has been hot the last couple of days, he has been telling me about it and exlaining details to me, reporting convos with the management etc. I was against the original "group resignation" and had discussed my perception of things. Last night, he called and said he now understands what I was telling him...
So, H,(yes H) is not caving, back pedalling or showing any second thoughts. I AM the problem now. My insecurities and my obsession.
And yes Frank, not all marriages can or should be saved. I agree. I think mine could and I am pondering on should. K
PS My bgf visited on Sunday afternoon after H was gone. She told me in detail the convo they had after I had found out. He was crying, telling her, I am the woman of his life and that he loves me and thinks he lost me (back then August 6th). Something in the exact expression, she had with held from me then, to protect me- made me feel all fuzzy inside.
Later and yesterday, the snakes creeped back in, and I got paranoid.
Beware of Greek corn! I have no idea what that means....
After reading your posts regarding what I called an obssesion, I began to think of my XW's indiscretions and lies and her overall lack of judgement during what i like to call her euphoric time. I guess I decided to put it in a compartment somewhere deep in my brain and go there very rarely and for short (very short) periods. Mind you I had no pictures or e-mails so maybe it is easier to compartmentalize. What I am saying is in order for you to have any chance you need to remove the clutter. It won't be easy (I understand....I got a taste of it with myself yesterday as I was working myself up). You started your long monologue post with "I got what I wanted" you got to put it out there and he heard and still I sense it is not enough for you. I do not know what will be enough....meeting her...slapping her......arm wrestling her.... What I do know is that you are letting her affect you. She has made her way into your psyche. You need to get her out of there and then working on regaining confidence in your husband. A tall order no doubt. I can't even begin to offer any advice on how to do that Maria.
Kalni...I, like others here, pray deeply that you can be in that small group here that can save their marriage. However, I will 'challenge' you and others at times. A positive attitude, strength of character and belief in yourself are tantamount. You aleady know how hard it is to reach the 'piecing' forum. I can't put on a clown face nor do that Snoopy dance until all is done.
Every marriage saved is a beacon of light to others here. Unfortunately the numbers are very small. I DO believe many get strung out too long here. But, then again, as the NY lotto slogan goes, "you can't win it if you ain't in it."
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
john....I agree with your post but having been there too, I don't think Maria can totally 'unclutter' OW until she begins to see change and foundation building from her H. THAT...is what helps to make the visions and graphic pictures go away. Time, reconstruction, and a pattern of keeping one's word and following thru. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Well, if he keeps acting like that, I think you will be getting the reassurance you need to start letting go of some of the past? Maybe to let down a few barriers, feel a little more confident that things should be saved?
What you said scared him I think. It lit a fire under his butt apparently lol. Guess he doesn't want to lose you after all, despite his "it's just how I am" comments lol.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
IMO, to 'save' a M you need to be able to see what went wrong in the first place. You need to know why OW was able to get a look in.
Once you know that and you think that you can change things so the same situation won't happen again AND you are both committed, perhaps you can starting the piecing process.
OW will raise her ugly head and make you feel insecure. For me, the only way to deal with that was to know that my H and I were strong and the same circumstances that led to the downfall would not happen again.
I had a very child centred M, (still have), but now we make time for one another. It is hard. I never trust my H's workplace as that is where he met OW. He is CEO so he is in a position of some power. BUT it brings in the money to pay for my childrens' lives so I bite on it and have to trust that as long as things seem good between us and we want to give one another attention, things will be ok.
I listen to the way my H talks about stuff really well now. He talks about our future and old age together; what we will do when all the children have left home etc. That sort of talk all went away when the M was bad and he was having his A; that was what I sensed but didn't really 'see' when he was in the midst of his A and before I knew for certain he was cheating.
I worried that I would not know if he did the same thing to me again, but my T told me that I would be so in tune with my feelings this time that he doubted that could happen.
Gradually the ability to trust myself has started to build up again.
Don't let being afraid of the 'what if's' stop you trying again. If you don't try you will never know. What is that old phrase? "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Kalni, piecing is not easy, but I believe you have the strength to do this.
You have my email. Use it whenever you want.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Don't know if that's good or bad, you tell me?? 
He seemed very nice except he is a Cornhusker fan. (Nebraska Football)