Changing Man

[Gardener]

Oh, and Gardener, I just KNOW that your retreat next year will show that you have found some well-deserved peace. You deserve it, my friend.BIM

Thank you, bim. I'm sure you're right.

[Gardener]

Hi, Gima. Good to hear from you as always.

What's really eating at you that has you down? Is it the death of the M? Or is it fear that you are unlovebale or won't find happiness?

It's the (needless) death of the marriage.
Heck, I know I'm lovable! Happiness? No not now. And I know I won't find happiness; I'll claim happiness!

For me, it has been a fear I would not find happiness, would be lonely, and was not worthy of love. And, those simply aren't reasonable thoughts. They are perfect examples of negative, pervasive thoughts (see "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligmen) - "I will NEVER be happy," "No one will EVER love me," "I will ALWAYS be lonely."
So, if I change my unreasonable (and negative thinking) thoughts to a more rational viewpoint: "I will find happiness," "I will not be lonely," "Someone will love me,", then my emotions will follow along. Try it. It works.

Thanks. I will take a good look at cognnitive dissonance; I've only skimmed it once. I plan to revisit Seligman. I'd gotten it out of the library and had to get it back before I was anywhere near done with it. It's a heavy read.
Thanks, Buddy.
Keep going.

[Gardener]

SP,

the indulgence of a grief the blunder of a lifetime.

Very good, SP. And in this case indulgence=wallow. I confess to falling, letting myself fall, making myself fall into that far too often, lately.

If you keep re-living the past, then it really isn't the past, is it?

Holy cr@p, did that one hit home! Thank you. You're great. Plural, too. You guys are all great.

[Gardener]

Antlers,

Easy to articulate...harder to do. Notwithstanding, it's all true what Smiley is saying here.

Maybe not that hard to do. The indulgence/wallowing is out though. I'm ashamed to say - but must admit - that though my grief and loss are very real, I confess to pity-partying, poor me'ing and playing victim lately. A lot.
I will make a concerted effort to reverse that. I may not be DBing divorce-wise anymore, but it's time to restart the old PMA and get out of the house and do some 180s.
Thank you.

[Gardener]

Serenity, so many peoplr have opened my eyes and lifted my spirits this morning. I am so grateful. I feel like I've also been given a good dose of 2x4s, only more like those colorful, squiggly noodles that kids play with in pools!

(((Gardener)))

I am glad you are home my friend and I am sorry you are down...Your house is beautiful and you did a wonderful job from what I can see.
I hope today is a better day
Thought of you when I read this...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6

You, however, are like a blessing from God, my friend. True.

[Serenity13]

I feel the same about you my friend...

I just gave you a big 2x4 on my post so when you have a chance come see...

Just remember it is done in love and friendship

[Gardener]

Wifey, SpyBunny, bim, Gima, SP, Antlers, Serenity, et al,

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for getting together and jointly heaving my sorry little butt - kicking and screaming -out of the hole of funk I had voluntarily burrowed and wallowed myself into these past days.
As I just told Sister Serenity:

Serenity, so many people have opened my eyes and lifted my spirits this morning. I am so grateful. I feel like I've also been given a good dose of 2x4s, only with those colorful, squiggly noodles that kids play with in pools!

The Funk Monster will be back again, I'm certain. But it's high time I stopped inviting him in, telling him to pull up a chair and make himself comfortable while spinning me his tales of woe!
I will instead as the saying goes, be kicking his ass to the curb!

Enough!

Thank you, again.

[Gardener]

Just bumping this up because I want all you guys to read my gratitude (above) before it slips down to page 5 or so.

[givingitmyall]

Just bumping this up because I want all you guys to read my gratitude (above) before it slips down to page 5 or so.

Hey, no need to thank me. We are all here to help each other out. You would have (and HAVE) done the same for me.

[Serenity13]

That is what we are all here for...

I had my funk bad a few days ago as you know and once was all said and done, I came here and was able to get out thanks to the Pupmeister (always wanted to call him that lol)

You are loved and respected my friend - Don't forget that. (((Hugs)))