Changing Man

[Gardener]

Hi, Gima. Good to hear from you as always.

What's really eating at you that has you down? Is it the death of the M? Or is it fear that you are unlovebale or won't find happiness?

It's the (needless) death of the marriage.
Heck, I know I'm lovable! Happiness? No not now. And I know I won't find happiness; I'll claim happiness!

For me, it has been a fear I would not find happiness, would be lonely, and was not worthy of love. And, those simply aren't reasonable thoughts. They are perfect examples of negative, pervasive thoughts (see "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligmen) - "I will NEVER be happy," "No one will EVER love me," "I will ALWAYS be lonely."
So, if I change my unreasonable (and negative thinking) thoughts to a more rational viewpoint: "I will find happiness," "I will not be lonely," "Someone will love me,", then my emotions will follow along. Try it. It works.

Thanks. I will take a good look at cognnitive dissonance; I've only skimmed it once. I plan to revisit Seligman. I'd gotten it out of the library and had to get it back before I was anywhere near done with it. It's a heavy read.
Thanks, Buddy.
Keep going.