In shock...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I don't think it is an affair. But I do think she is running and telling him everything I say or do. She is either against me or trying to help me. I just don't know.

I can't trust my sister. Wow.

This is one of the reasons why it is a bad idea to involve family; they tend to choose sides (usually behind you if it's your family and your spouse if it's theirs) and the more they see the dirty laundry being aired, the harder it will be for them to set it aside if you reconcile with your spouse.

So stop telling your sister what is going on. If she asks, just say that you're dealing with a lot and don't feel like discussing it right now.

This. ^

[Puppy Dog Tails]

There is no other way. There is no one in my life I can trust right now.

So you need to find someone like a counselor or a pastor.

You can trust us.

Praying, the purpose of finding out isn't to devastate you. It's to help you understand what's going on, so that you don't do anything that would further sabotage your efforts. YES, IT'S VERY PAINFUL. But at least you know, and you can deal with it accordingly.

Puppy

[Lll54]

PIGA,

So sorry to hear what's been happening. I just caught up on your thread. I agree with everyone's advice. Its terrible. But at the same time it gives you a chance to work on you. I know that gets really..well...annoying to hear sometimes...at least I get annoyed. But its the truth. I slept in today for no reason but to basically pass time in my day. Its sad, but what I should have done was gotten up, went to the gym, DID SOMETHING! That's what you need to do, not only to get your mind of this situation but to start working on you. You have a long way ahead of you. Get started now, Don't give up!

[motherof3]

No time to post right now, but hang in there. I can relate to your family (sister) situation. I will catch you up later tonight on what happened in my story, how I reacted, and what I did about it. Until than carpe diem.

[praying_in_GA]

They are also texting back and forth a lot. The texted for 30 min before the concert with my kids. She called him as soon as she left my grandparents house (where the kids and I were visiting) to give him a status update or what? The contact all started Nov 1 from her. She might be supporting him, she might be lobbying for me, she might be a sounding board for him, I have extreme doubt they are starting up a 'relationship' because they have never really gotten along. How is he supposed to think about things and see where he wants to go when my sister and him are texting/talking like a couple of school girls?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

They are also texting back and forth a lot. The texted for 30 min before the concert with my kids. She called him as soon as she left my grandparents house (where the kids and I were visiting) to give him a status update or what? The contact all started Nov 1 from her. She might be supporting him, she might be lobbying for me, she might be a sounding board for him, I have extreme doubt they are starting up a 'relationship' because they have never really gotten along. How is he supposed to think about things and see where he wants

DON'T BE NAIVE, P.I.G.A. This is how about 90% of EAs start, and a huge number of those turn into full-blown PAs.

[praying_in_GA]

They are also texting back and forth a lot. The texted for 30 min before the concert with my kids. She called him as soon as she left my grandparents house (where the kids and I were visiting) to give him a status update or what? The contact all started Nov 1 from her. She might be supporting him, she might be lobbying for me, she might be a sounding board for him, I have extreme doubt they are starting up a 'relationship' because they have never really gotten along. How is he supposed to think about things and see where he wants

DON'T BE NAIVE, P.I.G.A. This is how about 90% of EAs start, and a huge number of those turn into full-blown PAs.

It's just that...my sister is 23. She has 3 kids from a dead-beat dad. She is only into guys of another race. She does not date our race.

I mean, I guess anything is possible. He said he fell in love with me because I was sweet, showed him attention and respect. Maybe he is feeling that again only this time from her. Does she know what she will do to the entire family if they do this? Why would she do this to me?

[TrentC]

Does she know what she will do to the entire family if they do this?

Probably not -- "they wouldn't understand" is a common refrain when asked how they would explain the OP to family and friends.

Why would she do this to me?

Selfishness? People who have affairs often describe feeling as if they "deserve" to find happiness outside of their marriage (or by busting up someone else's).

[praying_in_GA]

I spoke with my sister. She said that he doesn't have anyone else to talk to who has any insight into how I am feeling or how I am doing and he doesn't want to talk to me about it. I told her I didn't need anyone in my family negatively impacting the situation right now. She said she doesn't say anything negative to him. Everything they talk about he already knows.

I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but my heart was aching.

So, now I know that in order for Last Resort to work I am going to have to do it around any and everyone incase it gets back to him.

[praying_in_GA]

Does she know what she will do to the entire family if they do this?

Probably not -- "they wouldn't understand" is a common refrain when asked how they would explain the OP to family and friends.

Why would she do this to me?

Selfishness? People who have affairs often describe feeling as if they "deserve" to find happiness outside of their marriage (or by busting up someone else's).

I think *maybe* this could be an EA?? I dunno, he is not talking to me about this so he is talking to her about it. They were pretty close when we started dating. He thought 'be friends with her family and she will follow'.