Thanks! I actually feel good. I would like my H back, but I realize it's a want, not a need. I will be okay without him. I am okay without him.
This is detachment from Sad Girl. This is healthy. The focus is on herself, notice how she talks about herself (I) not him. She doesn't need him, he doesn't complete her, he is not responsible for her happiness or future. The outcome doesn't matter, she will handle it anyway it goes. This is a woman comfortable being herself.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
3 weeks since ive seen my WAW. The past 3 days have been tough. I feel like Im back to the point where I want to tell her how much I love her and want her back. I know I cant do this. I keep thinking "Does she really not care about me at all?" Being with someone that long and having them drop you like a mat is tough. Just last week I thought about how exciting my life could be, starting over, a second chance. No kids, so nothing to hold me back. Maybe the way I am feeling now is fear of the new future. Part of me still has a shred of hope that my W will come back, but I think she may have done to much damage by telling her friends and family how "bad" our M was. Sometimes she cant swallow her pride, and this would be a tough pill to swallow.
I totally relate to your sitch and your feelings, brkn. I feel exactly the same way. My W is a very strong, proud person. It’s going to be very hard if not impossible for her to swallow her pride and come back. It’s incredibly frustrating and disheartening.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
She already knows you care, so don't give away anymore of your energy by telling her. It won't accomplish what you want it to. Yeah, being with somebody for a long time and then being rejected by them, completely, is a hard thing to take...I know.
My advice to you is to continue to detatch. That doesn't mean giving up...it simply means letting go of the outcome.
Yep, I know it wont do any good. When you say not giving up, what more can I do besides sit back and wait for the day of D? By wait, I mean as far as our M/R goes, in know I have to continue GAL and planning my life.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
She already knows you care, so don't give away anymore of your energy by telling her. It won't accomplish what you want it to. Yeah, being with somebody for a long time and then being rejected by them, completely, is a hard thing to take...I know.
My advice to you is to continue to detatch. That doesn't mean giving up...it simply means letting go of the outcome.
Yep, I know it wont do any good. When you say not giving up, what more can I do besides sit back and wait for the day of D? By wait, I mean as far as our M/R goes, in know I have to continue GAL and planning my life.
You can start living your life without her. Focus on you...make yourself the center of your universe, and NOT her. Don't sit around and 'wait' for anything. Go on with your life. If you two reconcile, then great...if you don't, then you'll already have a great start on the next phase of your life. Do the best you can in a tough situation, and leave the rest up to God.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Yes, I have started. I plan on moving out of the house next month. She will move back in and buy my half of the house after the D in Feb. I know that I cant sit around but I have am moving to another city to find a job. When I told her a month or so ago that I was moving on, I also told her that nothing is final until the D papers are signed. She is graduating next month and its another torn in my side to not be able to celebrate it with her, especially since I supported her emotionally and financially the past 4 years. I feel that once I move out with my stuff, then that will truly be the end of the M. Its touch making life decisions, especially in the state of mind that I am in.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
Its been 3 1/2 weeks since ive seen my WAW. She came to the house last night thinking I wasnt home. I went outside to see what the dogs were barking at and she was in her car. She was just stopping by to drop some things off. I went back inside and all of the emotions inside of me came out. Its been tough. I want to tell her how much I love her and how much I want her to come back, yet I know cannot do this. The funny thing is she has done some things Im not sure I could forgive, yet I want her back. I keep asking myself do I miss the companionship and having someone to come home to, do I really miss her or that? She txted me that she was sorry she came by and she didnt come in because she wanted to respect my request to not see her. I know that detaching does not mean giving up, but its hard to have hope when it feels like she really doesnt care about me anymore, not even as a friend. Im almost through with the "Uncoupling" book, its amazing how people are so self-centered when it comes to breaking long relationships. Its hard reading about people who feel free and has a sense of euphoria when leaving their spouse.
Last edited by brknheart; 11/16/0912:30 AM.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
I keep asking myself do I miss the companionship and having someone to come home to, do I really miss her or that?
This question must be answered (not that it can't be a case of both in the beginning). But only you can answer it.And answer it you must, in time.
True. I know I miss my W but she doesn't even act like the person I married. Its like invasion of the body snatchers. I bet a lot of people feel this way. I feel better tonight. The good thing is that ive come a long way, and people around me have say they notice a difference in me.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
I keep asking myself do I miss the companionship and having someone to come home to, do I really miss her or that?
This question must be answered (not that it can't be a case of both in the beginning). But only you can answer it.And answer it you must, in time.
True. I know I miss my W but she doesn't even act like the person I married. Its like invasion of the body snatchers. I bet a lot of people feel this way. I feel better tonight. The good thing is that ive come a long way, and people around me have say they notice a difference in me.
Most LBS feel that way. W usuually call 'em aliens, but invasion of the body snatchers is a witty alternative. It is good that you've come a long way and a lot have people have noticed. Means she does, too. for sure but won't acknowledge it (usually because "it's too little. too late". Keep doing what you're doing. Results and answers will come in time.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
It is good that you've come a long way and a lot have people have noticed. Means she does, too. for sure but won't acknowledge it (usually because "it's too little. too late".