In shock...

[TrentC]

I don't think it is an affair. But I do think she is running and telling him everything I say or do. She is either against me or trying to help me. I just don't know.

I can't trust my sister. Wow.

This is one of the reasons why it is a bad idea to involve family; they tend to choose sides (usually behind you if it's your family and your spouse if it's theirs) and the more they see the dirty laundry being aired, the harder it will be for them to set it aside if you reconcile with your spouse.

So stop telling your sister what is going on. If she asks, just say that you're dealing with a lot and don't feel like discussing it right now.

[Super Girl]

I absolutely agree. My mom told me my H told her some stuff about our M. I feel slightly betrayed by him and her.

Keep your family out of it for your own piece of mind.

[praying_in_GA]

Ok, so what do I do? Just not find out what they are discussing? I told her I was reading a book and that I was going to try somethings to work on myself and see if he will come back. Now he knows I am following a program of sorts.

I just want to cry...for hours and hours....Why would she do this?

[TrentC]

Ok, so what do I do? Just not find out what they are discussing? I told her I was reading a book and that I was going to try somethings to work on myself and see if he will come back. Now he knows I am following a program of sorts.

Then stop talking to your family about it. Period. Find a counselor or talk to your pastor at church; someone who will keep your confidence.

Also, keep in mind that there may be an EA or PA in the mix...

I just want to cry...for hours and hours....Why would she do this?

Doesn't matter.

She didn't deserve to know anything about the situation and now that you know she's not keeping your confidence, there is even less of a reason to talk to her.

If she asks, tell her that you are going through a lot right now and don't feel comfortable talking about it. That's the only answer she gets until you D or reconcile.

[praying_in_GA]

I want to ask one of them what they are talking about. I don't want to be angry or confrontational. I asked my sister to please stop talking to him when I found out she had talked to him for a while the weekend he left. Obviously she has not stopped, she has actually talked to him more since then. She spoke with him the night I asked her not to talk to him about this anymore. She spoke with him for almost an hour the night after the concert we took the kids to.

I feel like it is over now. I will never get him back now. It is over. He knows everything I have said. I can't remember things I have said or did. I can't think of the things she might have told him. I feel so hopeless now. So betrayed. My marriage is probably over because of my sister.

So now I have to do the Last Resort around her too, right? If not, she is going to go back and tell him how I was acting.

[TrentC]

I want to ask one of them what they are talking about. I don't want to be angry or confrontational. I asked my sister to please stop talking to him when I found out she had talked to him for a while the weekend he left. Obviously she has not stopped, she has actually talked to him more since then. She spoke with him the night I asked her not to talk to him about this anymore. She spoke with him for almost an hour the night after the concert we took the kids to.

Like I said -- unless you suspect an affair between the two (and can get proof), it's best to leave that alone.

I feel like it is over now. I will never get him back now. It is over. He knows everything I have said. I can't remember things I have said or did. I can't think of the things she might have told him. I feel so hopeless now. So betrayed. My marriage is probably over because of my sister.

He has filed for D yet?

If not, then it's not over.

If so, then it's still not over -- divorces take time.

Either way, your sister gets cut out of the loop as of five minutes ago. For whatever reason she is not your ally in this, she needs to be kept out of it.

[praying_in_GA]

As far as I know he has not filed for a divorce. Oh yea, she is out. I can't trust her with anything.

This breaks my heart.

[TrentC]

Oh yea, she is out. I can't trust her with anything.

This breaks my heart.

Don't let it get to you. Your focus is on your marriage; worry about your family issues later.

[praying_in_GA]

Oh yea, she is out. I can't trust her with anything.

This breaks my heart.

Don't let it get to you. Your focus is on your marriage; worry about your family issues later.

You are right. I cannot change the past. If I could, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. I just need to apply the DR principals to my everyday life around everyone I guess. There is no other way. There is no one in my life I can trust right now.

[TrentC]

There is no other way. There is no one in my life I can trust right now.

So you need to find someone like a counselor or a pastor.