Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

I truly believe in that principle. It has to be about you and your D! The reason I say this like that is b/c your W will see through it as being fake if it is a ploy on your part as trying to get her back. When it is for real, and no ploy attached, then she will see that.

The thing that is driving me forward with this is that the periods where there have been no contact (one point it was 10 days) I have actually felt pretty good. It's just before, during and after contact that I fall apart.

If anything will get her undivided attention....that should. But remember, it won't happen in just a few days......it will take time for her to be convinced that you have really moved on without her. When she is convinced you aren't just playing games, then she will start being more interested in you....and wanting to draw closer to you...and maybe even try to test the waters.

I hope this is true. I just have that niggling feeling that she won't really care and in fact will be glad.

However, this is about me and D what it does for us. As I said it will clear my head. If those effects above occur then that is a bonus.

She will need you to give her emotional support and assure her that you love her and that you are not going to leave her.

After fighting to see my D for 7 years, I know how to reassure her of that. She always has my love and attention and I try my best to do what is right for her in the long term. Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I get it right.

I think that maybe children feel that everyone in their life may leave them and they just need to know they have at least one parent who will be there for them.

This is what worries me. because her contact with me over the last 7 years was so erratic I don't want the contact with my W to be the same way. My W actually doesn't seem to bothered about contact as she never asks anything about D like how she get's on at school, doctors appointments etc.

So, just so I have this right, are you saying that in order to move on with your life....you will not have your W visiting with your D? Even if there is a "middle person" who could be your go-between to supervise visitations outside the home?

Yes. I feel that continuing the contact, in the manner that it's going on (where W doesn't seem too bothered) isn't going to work. Have supervised contact outside the home would be a bit of a logistical nightmare. This is one of the things though that has me worrying most - do it and I'm damned, don't do it and I'm damned anyway.