Rise Above This

[SoCo]

Okay. Well, I was really mad when I looked at S phone this morning. Ex used his phone (that I pay for) to call, txt, and harrass me all weekend. He used over 100 of S minutes. OMG! I pay for the phone to keep in contact with S. Not so I can be stalked on it. I kept answering, b/c how do I know if it's S or him or about the kids or what? I need a solution. Just don't know what. He already reduced his C/s b/c he doesn't have a job... wah... he chose that and chose to quit 3 jobs and move, etc.

Now he's using up what I pay for for my kids to bother me?

Oh, and S told my mom that every time his phone rang or he got a txt ex jerked it out of his hand and read it.

The whole reason he has the phone is b/c I don't trust ex and want to be able to check on the kids. Ex doesn't pay for his own phone half the time, so I'm just stuck.

Any ideas?

[Grace_O]

The only suggestion I have would be to keep the phone on vibrate and tell you S9 not to take it out and look when is Dad is anywhere around. that may only leave the bathroom.

That doesn't give you instant access to the kids, but it's all I've got.

HUGS

[SoCo]

Okay, I sent him this email. Not that it will help, but I tried to be business like and to the point.

The names of the innocent have been changed in order to protect their identity... LOL

S's phone had over 280 minutes when I sent it with him. It is now down to 182. That is over 100 minutes that were used. Very few of those were me talking to the kids, or about the kids. Most of them were you calling me or texting me about other stuff, and I don't know what else.

His minutes are expensive, and I do not want them being used for stuff that is not pertaining to the kids or talking to the kids. You keep changing your number and do not always have a phone or answer your phone or get good reception on your phone. That is why I need another way to contact the kids and got him the phone.

You are able to reach the kids on my phone at least 95 percent of the time, and I always let you talk to them.

I do not feel that it is fair that I buy and pay for a means to communicate with the kids, and then it gets used up. You know that I don't have lots of extra money.

In the future, please let S keep his phone on him, and use it only to communicate about matters pertaining to the kids. Also, please let him answer it when I call or let him reply when I text. I do not text him or call him that often when he is with you. But I do worry about them, and want a way to check on them.

Thanks,
SoCo

Well, that will probably piss him off, but I dunno.

[K4D]

Sounds fair to me. I see nothng wrong with what you sent.

Kevin

[MrBond]

It'll piss him off, but it also sound a bit to soft. If he's using the phone for his own use, then log everything down for the legal aspects. In fact, I would even tell your H that you would appreciate if he did not use your S's phone as you are keeping an active log of the calls for your L.

He will get pissed off, but you know what? So what? It's his choice. Plus why would he get pissed for using his son's phone? What a baby.

[SoCo]

Well stuck, I don't know how much you have read of my drama, but I try to sound polite b/c my EXH is crazy. Not just MLC crazy, but I think just crazy. So... it may sounds soft but I try my best to get my point across without totally getting him into crazy mode. And yes, he's a baby. A big, crazy baby.

[MrBond]

I know crazy alright from my own sitch. The problem is not that it's you standing for yourself. Just because he's crazy doesn't mean that you can't slap sense into him every now and then. He can act crazy, but you can continue to act responsible.

Especially in your sitch if your H is crazy he's going to do the opposite and start running up the minutes. So what would that change? Absolutely nothing. All you're doing is being the mother.

And besides if he's really crazy I don't think you'd let your S anywhere near him. When you need to get a TRO against him to protect you and your kids...THAT's crazy.

[SoCo]

Yeah, I have been there done that and filed assault charges on him. However, when a judge orders you to allow visitation b/c he did not assault THEM, I have to let them go. Legal system sucks.

Go back and read my threads, all of my friends here will agree that he is crazy. lol
He is obsessed with me and pretty much stalks and harasses me in all his free time. The only reason there was not a perm. restraining order is b/c we unfortunately have to have communication b/c of the kids and he comes to S's ballgames and functions. He was also court ordered to attend anger management counseling, which he has not started yet. I could have put him in jail, but chose to get the counseling instead.

[SoCo]

Wow, ghost town on the board today... there goes a tumbleweed... lol

Well, benchmark testing today. Boring day for me. The fire dept. did show up to do a timed unplanned fire drill during our test, so that was interesting. The firefighters were all young and hot too!! I thought about faking an injury...haha.

So... let's see...had a discussion with ex last night regarding the phone. He hadn't checked his email but he called me asking why I was upset about the phone. Ummm really? So, talked about that.

He asked me why I am always starting drama with him.. lol. Again, really? He told me that "everybody" had yelled at him today and "everybody" was mad at him. Hm... I suggested to him that maybe it was his attitude and overall demeanor.. hehe

So, I cannot continue to talk to him every day or have him harass me by phone, so here is the solution that I came up with. Since S has the phone to talk to me and his dad, I told J that when they are there I want S to answer the phone or txt if I txt him and it is NOT for J's personal use. He also is supposed to bring me money to replace the minutes he used over the weekend. We will see if that happens or not. I do have a little leverage though b/c he still owes me 200.00 for the kid's insurance this month.

I also told him that I will leave S's phone on at home when they are with me and he is free to call him on it, as long as it doesn't become excessive and using up all of his minutes (or he will need to reimburse me for some of it.)

THIS way, we can talk to the kids without having to talk to each other. I was really loving his reaction to this solution last night, after he had told me that I cause HIM drama.. LOL. He was shocked and appalled that I did not want him to call me on my phone just to talk to me. Said I always "blow him off" when it's not about the kids. Ummm yeah, cuz you always piss me off and start nonsense.. (I didn't say that part.) I told him to please email or txt me about any questions pertaining to the kids and I would get right back to him.

See, he had me in a catch 22 because if I didn't answer his calls he would say that he was calling for the kids and I wouldn't answer. But if I did answer, he didn't really want to talk to them, he was calling to bug me.

I am laying BETS that he will not call S over once a week or so. He didn't call to talk to them. He called to start stuff with me.

Also, I am upset b/c S says that he was upset about dad not letting him answer his phone, but didn't say anything to his dad b/c in his words, you know how dad is and his temper. I probed a little to find out what was up and he says dad has been screaming at them and he is afraid to make him mad.

Now, know that this is not my son's personality and we are very open with each other.He pretty much feels free to express his opinions to me, and we constantly laugh and joke around. Son is not afraid of me and I am known to yell occasionally when frustrated. Yet, he's still not scared to talk to me or tell me something. I am really wondering exactly how ex is treating them when they are there. It can't be good. I asked him if dad had touched them or just screamed, and he said just screamed. So, I am upset about this and S is starting to not want to go there. They have to go 3 weekends in a row due to Thanksgiving and he is not liking that one bit. I hope he doesn't get worse about not wanting to go, cuz it's gonna be hell to talk an exceptionally smart, mature, almost as big as me 9yo boy into having a good attitude about it if he doesn't want to.

They also came home telling me that dad was grilling them about my personal life, and that he gave them a big lecture about even if mom gets married again someday he will always be their only dad and blah blah blah. Ummm okay. Like they need that.

THEN D4 tells me that dad says that they better not meet any of mommies friends (I guess he means boyfriend) or dad will be really, really mad. Again, there he goes trying to villianize me to D4 as if I would be doing something wrong if someday down the road I intruduce them to someone. Mind you this is the same man that had them around the little girl within weeks of our separation. Unbelievable to me how he thinks. Oh and he has fed them chips and hot sauce for breakfast the last two times they have been there, cuz he didn't have any breakfast food. I don't ask them this stuff, my son just tells me because he knows that's not how we do things. Oh I think they've had ice cream for breakfast too.

Anyway... that's that and he is NOT being good for the kids right now. A lot of the time I just wish tha he had stayed gone whenever he moved 6 hours away this summer. The kids are exhausted and not the same when they come back from there. It takes me a good two to three days just to get them back into the groove.

So, I guess I am just venting, don't really know what I can do about any of this at this point.

[SoCo]

Wow, that turned in to quite the little novel there... oops.