PLEASE HELP! - About to completely LOSE IT!!!

[aflowergurlie]

Didn't see H for the rest of the day/evening on Sunday. I was gone pretty much all day and got home around 11pm that night and it didn't look like H had been home at all either. Went to bed around 12:45 and left my bedroom door wide open cause I didn't think he'd be home. Woke up yesterday morning and heard H rustling about out in the kitchen and eventually leave for work.

I was gone all day yesterday but noticed when I got home that he had come home for lunch. Last night no H, so I made dinner and spent the evening by myself just keeping myself busy with this and that. Around 11:30pm my phone rings and it's H. H with a little bit of an annoyed tone "Just wanted to check and see if there was any food in the house or if I'm on my own." AFG, friendly - "No, I made dinner." H, complete change in voice tone to happy "Ohhh, you did? What'd ya make?" AFG "Some beef with artichokes and roasted red peppers." H - "Oh, ok, well I just wanted to check." and then adds quickly "I'm still at work. Yay!(funny/sarcastically)" and sounded like if I would have engaged him more in conversation he would have continued to talk. AFG - "Ok, bye." H - "Ok then...thanks, bye." Then I went to bed.

I just had to laugh at this one. It's been a very long time since I've had a phone call like that from him. Plus I think it's funny that he is annoyed about the food situation because 1) He was home on a weekend for the first time since September and since we are both usually not at home on weekends there usually isn't much food in the house, so this past weekend he was scrounging for himself. 2) Last week was the first weeknights Monday and Tuesday that I wasn't home to cook and hadn't had the chance to grocery shop yet either and H said something and was annoyed then about the food situation. I think he is so used to the schedule and routine of me grocery shopping and keeping food in the house and cooking now and he likes it, so how it's gonna be for him when I'm not there soon is definitely gonna be funny.

For me to be as consistent and habitual with the groceries, cooking and cleaning has been a big change for me because for years I really neglected that part of my responsibility as a wife. We would always eat fast food or order out and H would often even have to pick it up for me and bring home on his way home from working late while I had been at home just watching tv. I knew H also resented it because I am a good cook and would often make stuff for other people for parties and gatherings but then not for him. The house would be a wreck and H would often have to start the laundry just to get me in gear to get things done.

When we moved to the place we are living in now, just prior to the "bomb", I had already outlined to H my goals to change these habits and had already started doing so. Alas, then came the "bomb" and through our separation we came to an agreement that instead of me paying H rent that I could in exchange continue to buy the groceries, cook, and clean as my contribution. Early on in my DBing, doing these types of things used to carry a prideful sense of wifely duty that I felt good about taking care of him and the household needs. I guess I still kind of held an emotional attachment to doing these things. Funny now though how it has evolved into merely a business transaction or duty with less and less of any other types of feelings being associated. It's basically just another job to me now.