Puppy - you said my idea of real separation in January is excellent - but do you think I need to be very hard core about it - or can I do the combo thing - not clearly state it to her - but instead just live it? Not be predicatble in the times I will be home - be polite if she is here, but focus on everything other than her? Since actions speak louder than words, must I actually state it or can I just live it and if she says anything deal with it then?
BTM,
That is an exceptional question. Here's my take on it:
I think when it comes to DBing tactics stuff -- GALing, 180s, etc. -- yeah, it's best to not make any grand pronouncements, and just DO it.
However, this is something major, involving how you two tend to co-parent and communicate with each other, and it also represents a change-of-mind (which is FINE, btw!) on your part. Plus, it shows STRENGTH (Gucci's "I have decided that -- " formulation would be a good way to phrase it, btw).
So yeah, I do think you have to let her know. Nothing too dramatic, and certainly not an angry outburst -- just calm, confident, and matter-of-fact. Then, having told her, just live it out, just as you describe in the quote above.
