Puppy - I am confused. So, we are not to pursue him by asking about him being upset. Do we just ignore his mood? Do we just ignore everything unless it is a step towards out goals?
YES.
Unless it is rude or disrespectful -- which behavior you should call them on, and keep firm boundaries -- yes.
It's okay to ask them about non-R stuff, like the kids, family logistics, their job, politics, current events, etc. But asking them "Are you upset about something?" is temperature-checking, and pursuit, and will only lead to R talks.
It also makes one look needy, which isn't attractive.
