You're correct, you are the best person to decide which options to try. The purpose of DB'ing is to melt the ice that has accumulated for you in her heart to give your relationship another chance.
Likewise, I do NOT think that it is in DB'ing to become a doormat. The boundaries are for you to retain your wife's respect and your own dignity. I'm re-reading your thread and will post an "analysis" when I come back later tonight.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
