I am so grateful I can come here. Otherwise the sense of aloneness and vulnerability at having to face the truth would be overwhelming. It's comforting to know there are people who know and understand like no one else ever could. Thank you.
A nasty shock even when you do prepare yourself for the possibility, interesting that OW faced up to your pastor!
Just as Puppy said you are entitled to take your time to think through your thoughts and organise them, let him swing around on his rope for a while and dont let him pressurise you into keeping any secrets for him, he might think he loves her and all that but he's sure going to feel the need to control his embarrassment factor at being caught! This time is now yours hun, take it slowly and know we are all here with hugs and listening ears!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Hi Rocked Oh you poor lamb - I really DO feel your pain. I gasped as I read about bomb 2. No wonder your pastor dropped everything to come to you. Good that he did. Now you know what you are dealing with.
I totally agree with Puppy's advice - no explanations are warranted from you and nor should your H expect any. However, that said, go check my thread in regard what my C said to me this evening - then come back and tell us what happens at your own C session. I truly hope that it goes well for you.
(((Rocked)))
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Fortunately, I start IC tomorrow too. Good timing. Don't know if it even makes sense or if H would even go to the next MC appt. scheduled for Friday. I guess he was doing that for show?
Probably.
IC = good.
MC = probably a waste of time (and money??) when there's an active affair going on. I wouldn't bother, UNLESS it were to go, and make a proactive announcement at the beginning of the session recapping what your H told you, and that "I have decided that I am no longer willing to waste my time, nor my family's resources (not sure if your MC is covered by insurance or not?) on marriage counseling as long as my husband is having an affair, lying to everyone about it, including you, our counselor. I do want to thank you for trying to help us, tho. I'll leave the two of you to discuss things, if you care to."
Thanks for the support. The numbness from last night has worn off. Even with sleep medication only slept two hours. H apparently met with pastor after I confronted him and came home after that to tell me I did not desrve any of this, I did not fail in any way, this is not about me and that he is terribly sorry. I listened, told him I hear him but there is no forgiveness yet... not for a long time. H seemed quite confused and torn last night... wanted to tell me all of OW's faults because H stated he actually really isn't sure... blah, blah, blah. I told him I can't listen to anything about her right now. Basically just trying to give H the message that I am not going to meeting his EN's to relieve his conscience or helping him figure out what to do about her right now. H did seem genuinely worried about me, checking on me, apologizing over and over etc. Whatever, I told him it's pretty hollow right now. I go see my Dr. this a.m. to get a leave from work then the IC later in the day. Nell, I read your thread about what your C said. Very interesting, I am just not in a state of mind to process anything like that right now. Puppy, MC is covered by insurance. That may be a good approach. I don't know if H would even go at this point.
H seemed quite confused and torn last night... wanted to tell me all of OW's faults because H stated he actually really isn't sure... blah, blah, blah. I told him I can't listen to anything about her right now. Basically just trying to give H the message that I am not going to meeting his EN's to relieve his conscience or helping him figure out what to do about her right now.
EXCEPTIONAL. That's a perfect answer!
"I'm sorry, but it's not my job to make you feel better right now" is also a good one.
Make sure you EAT today, okay? We can talk more about exposure later. In the meantime, if H asks you how you're doing (and he probably will, frequently), just say something like "Considering what you've done to our family, surprisingly well. This is not what I would have chosen, but I will be okay" -- or some such. When you feel stronger, and want to get into it, you can use Robx's approach of "This is probably for the best, as I have decided that I really have no interest in staying in a marriage where someone treats me like crap."
Thanks Puppy! Amazing what a little encouragement like that does at a time like this! I like your other suggestions as well... will have to keep those in my hat for the appropriate times. How did you know i haven't eaten since noon yesterday.... I know, I know... I will eat.
I wanted to check in. You poor soul. You are handling it very well all things considered. Well done on sticking to your boundaries. We're here for you.
Amazingly well handled hun! Breathing in and out is good for a starter (()). Been thinking about you today, hope the anti-anxiety meds kick in soon. All the best for you IC today too.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
