First, the "love bucket/bank" concept comes from "His Needs, Her Needs," which I need to go back and re-read. And the concept is in a M, each partner has a love bank/tank. A partner increases or decreases the other partner's bank/tank by their actions/words. Good actions = deposits and bad action = withdrawals. When a person's love bank/tank is zero or overdrawn, watch out - trouble. A person can fill their own tank/bank by doing things for themselves that brings them happiness. That's different for everyone. But, the point is, while your spouse has checked out and is not filling your tank/bank, you need to do that for yourself or you will end up unhappy, bitter, and angry. The book is great, and I think it is one that should be in your collection.
BIM, in answer to your question, you will know when it's time to act. There really isn't a better answer IMO. Throughout this process, I have learned that we (LBS's) have to be the strong one in the M. And that means we have to do the work for both us and out spouses.
For me, the question has always been whether I can honestly tell my children (when they are old enough) I did everything I could to keep the family together. Until I can tell them yes, I keep DB'ing.
