Something I asked in an earlier post was, as a WAW yourself, am I doing the right thing with NC with regards only to bringing a WAW closer rather than me moving on? (I know NC is about me but I want to know if it really does bring a WAW possibly back)?
I truly believe in that principle. It has to be about you and your D! The reason I say this like that is b/c your W will see through it as being fake if it is a ploy on your part as trying to get her back. When it is for real, and no ploy attached, then she will see that. If anything will get her undivided attention....that should. But remember, it won't happen in just a few days......it will take time for her to be convinced that you have really moved on without her. When she is convinced you aren't just playing games, then she will start being more interested in you....and wanting to draw closer to you...and maybe even try to test the waters.
The main person in this stitch that I see as being so fragile is your D. I don't know what all you have told her, but I believe you must be very careful how you word things about the future of her and her step-mom's R. Just be sure of what it is you want to do, have your plan and stick to it. Support your D every way you can. She will need you to give her emotional support and assure her that you love her and that you are not going to leave her. I think that maybe children feel that everyone in their life may leave them and they just need to know they have at least one parent who will be there for them.
I know you feel that your D doesn't need false hope, but I don't know that she needs to be told that she can't ever see her step-mom again. You may consider telling her that there is going to be a period of time that her step-mom won't be visiting, and then you'll see how things go. I just think kids needs this stuff in small doses.
So, just so I have this right, are you saying that in order to move on with your life....you will not have your W visiting with your D? Even if there is a "middle person" who could be your go-between to supervise visitations outside the home?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
