Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[ALJ]

I had a very fun weekend. On Saturday the girls and I, along with a friend and her kids drove 1 and a half hours to Rochester, NY to the Strong National Museum of Play. The kids had a ball as there is so much to explore and interact with. You need to spend all day at this place in order to play with all of the toys and participate in all of the activities that they have for children, as well as adults.

As for me, I am moving along in my everyday, busy life. Being a single parent is not easy but with the strength that God gives me, I am able to face each day as it comes and do the best that I can for the sake of my daughters. They are growing up right before my eyes and I wonder sometimes if my WAH realizes what he is missing out on by not seeing them on a regular basis.


Speaking of my H, He is back to his distant, withdrawn, and alien-like ways. This has been evident in his phone conversations with me(if thats what you want to call it) every since he went back home. When the kids called him on yesterday, all that they could talk about was their trip to the museum and what fun they had. Then when I get on the phone with him, he acts like he had no idea what they were talking about. The conversation went like this:

H: What are they talking about?

M: We went to the Strong Museum.

H: Where is that? (H contracted amnesia when he walked away. He knows darn well
where the Strong Museum is)

M: In Rochester.

H: (pause) You. You drove to Rochester? (like he couldnt believe it.)

M: Sure. Why not? I have always wanted to go the Strong Museum. The kids wanted to go also. It was a good idea.

H: (voice indicating a bit of an attitude) It just doesn't sound like something that you would do.

I just moved on in the conversation without responding to his last comment. I have to admit, driving to Rochester is something that I probably would not have done before the bomb but hey I guess its what we like to call GAL and taking my mind of my situation and having fun.

Unfortunately, talking to him is like pulling teeth sometimes. He really has no conversation and I don't even know why I try to get him to talk. Its not like he is being inquisitive about my well-being or what is going on in my life. Communication was a big problem in our M and I have been trying to change his perception of me not being a good communicator. I just need to come to grips with him not really caring about how I communicate with him because in his mind, he is done.

When he was here visiting the kids a week ago, he was pleasant to be around, laughing, joking, talking to me about different subjects like he used to. He even suggested I drive his car to go to the store. Since he got his new car, he seemed leary when I asked to drive it the first time that I saw it. I thought his actions were a step in the right direction but I guess I am experiencing what DB calls "the pullback"

I am finding it hard to find that thin line where I can communicate with him and not make it seem like I am pursuing him. I asked for his feedback on the planning of our two year olds birthday party in December. I didnt want to leave him out as he lives so far away but will be here for the party.  He texted me that he is thinking about my suggestions for the party and will let me know something. He has not mentioned anything else about it even though he had the opportunity to when I was on the phone with him yesterday. I just cannot figure him out and I think I would go crazy if I tried.