Here is my last email to her. She hasn't responded.
" You want me to be physically attracted to you and you want me to enjoy sex with you. Loosing weight is the number one thing that you need to do. You asked what I wanted, and I told you."
And I told you that I don't want to hear about it any more. Don't bring it up again if you want any hope of salvaging this marriage. Further discussion will be through attorneys. This is called a boundary and it's one that you will respect if you wish to be married to me.
"What do *you* want me to do?? You asked me what I wanted from you so I told you. How can I say what I am willing to do until I know what you want from me? Mrs.SF"
Find constructive ways to interact with the children. You don't teach them to cook like you teach them to clean their rooms. You knew that D8 wouldn't clean her room. Frankly, I think you'd have been disappointed if she had. Don't set them up for failure. Find ways for them to succeed. If they haven't cleaned their room by banishing them to it for four saturdays in a row before, don't expect it to work this time. I'd support *any* new initiatives on this front.
Do NOT blame the children or your friends for your failures. When you forget to take S9 to choir practice, it is NOT his fault. Your *first* reaction when he brought it up to you was to tell him that *he* didn't remind you. When your purse was stolen, you frankly sickened me with the aspersions you were casting about at your friends, children and spouse. You don't have to be introspective, but you do need to be proactive, "what can *we* do to fix that?"
Find ways to communicate with all of us without yelling up and down the stairs or across the house like a ThatBeeYotchWeKnow. It is really unattractive. Get up and talk to us. Don't hollar like we live in a trailer park. It sets a bad example for all of us and you are worst of us all.
Find better ways to interact with us than to command from the couch. Work with us. Show us. When you yell at us (all four) from the couch or even get up to yell at us, we know you'll go back to the couch and ignore us soon enough.
Find room in your heart for others to do things the way they do them. You were not anointed with housekeeping knowledge. Let them be themselves. Give them a goal, let them work. Be more concerned with product than process.
Tell me when YourGayMaleFriend is going to be at the house when I get home. I do NOT want to walk in and find him there unexpectedly. He fails my "Tuesday Test". Set boundaries with YourGayMaleFriend and projects. You are not childless and 20-something. You can't just dash off.
Let me know how/when you want to spend time with me. I feel like no getaway that I ever suggest is good enough. I often don't know if you want to hang out with me. It's like playing with a cat and it's a game that I can't win.
Act like you like me. You want leadership. You want decisiveness. I feel like it's a cheeseless maze. There has to be some positive feedback.
As far as in bed goes, if you know what I'm going to say, why say it?
