Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Brief update:
H came home this afternoon and was exhausted since got up at 2:30am Colorado time and flew all morning. I came home at lunch and he was home. I gave him a hug and he hugged me for awhile and said I could go to sleep like this... a peck on the lips and that was it for affection. There were no "I missed you" or any such words. I refrained from anything like that either. Just showed I was happy to see him.

So later when I was back at work and H was entering all of the checking/debit transactions I'd had this weekend, he called to ask about a money issue and was curt and seemed mad. I didn't respond in kind and hoped it was his tiredness.

Later while making dinner he said he was mad b/c he'd gone to NYC and spent a fraction of what I'd spent over the weekend..(of course I was caring for 3 people to his one, so it would be a fraction to be even...). Oh well.

He's now asleep.

I have realized a change in my feelings a bit this past weekend. I'm letting go of the rope a bit. Imagining what life will be like with him gone (again), if it comes to that... I know I'd be lonely, but I know I'd be OK.