Can I save my marriage?

[Super Girl]

But I'm just scared to death right now that I may have to be that wife to somebody else and I don't want to be. I want to be HIS wife.

What is so wrong with being someone else's wife? Hopefully things will work out, but if not, there is probably someone even better out there for you.

What about him makes him so worth having? Give me 3 things.

[TrentC]

What is so wrong with being someone else's wife? Hopefully things will work out, but if not, there is probably someone even better out there for you.

I don't doubt that for a second.

What about him makes him so worth having? Give me 3 things.

I am interested in hearing this as well...

[motherof3]

Wow. Took me awhile to catch up on your thread Brit.

I hope Trent got over his headache.

You sound just like I did about three weeks ago. Then I made a conscious decision to start focusing on me with a 'who cares what H is doing right now' attitude. I can't control him, but I can certainly control me. Sometimes it is hard for me to follow my own advice. But when I fall off I get right back on and try again.

The others are right. Reach out to your friends. Don't lock yourself up in the house all by yourself. Meet someone for coffee. Take a walk with a neighbor. Take a class. Do something you always wanted to do but haven't yet. Don't get me wrong, alone time is also a good chance to reflect, but you also need to start GALing too. Go socialize and have some fun.

I would also like to know the 3 things your H has to offer. In addition, what color are you going to paint?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Just took the quiz. I fit in the moderately co-dependent.

I dunno. I still think that Britt is more REACTIONARY than she is CO-DEPENDENT.

Puppy

[Lll54]

Hmmm... Puppy, what do you see as the difference? Cause I just learned about co-dependency today, and I have no idea what you mean about reactionary??

Sadgirl, I love my husband.I have loved him since the day I set eyes on him. I don't want to love anybody else. I don't want to be anybody else's wife. That's what's wrong with it.

As for the three things that makes him so worth having?
1) He is the most caring, sensitive, loving person I know.
2) He is smart, funny and spontaneous. The three things I look for in a man.
3) He is such an optimistic person. He makes me want to be a better person everyday.

Motherof3 - I'm painting it caramel. With an accent wall being olive green. Its our basement living room. The one we spend most of our time in, with the big screen so I'm making it warm and cozy. Thanks for asking!
You sound so well spoken. When I read your sentence " You sound just like I did about three weeks ago. Then I made a conscious decision to start focusing on me with a 'who cares what H is doing right now' attitude. I can't control him, but I can certainly control me. Sometimes it is hard for me to follow my own advice. But when I fall off I get right back on and try again. it instantly gave me shivers because I want to be able to say that myself. I want that feeling desperately. If you say you were where I am three weeks ago, then hopefully in three weeks ago you can read me saying that myself to a newcomer. Here's to hoping...

As for tonight. I'm sitting in my robe watching t.v. and there goes the garage door. He popped by to get swimming shorts for the boys so they can go swimming tonight. We have a few minutes of conversation. He asks me what I was up to today. I told him not much. (Obviously I was in my robe and my hair wasn't done! errr..) So he leaves. Not even five minutes later the garage door opens again. He comes in saying he needs trunks for himself so he goes to the bedroom and grabs them. This time before he left he mentioned a xmas gift that he wants to get S3. I agree its a good gift but its quite large. We have this "Thomas the Train" train table in the playroom now. He says he wants to move that out and put this new hockey table in its place. Well if HE wants to get him a hockey table for xmas, why is it going in "my" house. I realize he is at is sister's now and there is no room and its not his house so it kind of has to go here. But once again, I read into things. " WE will just move the train table out and put it there" Well its your gift to your son, and I'm not going to play hockey with him, you are, so if its here H can't play it with him obviously. So then I start reading into what he meant. Errr....So he leaves and goes swimming. I'm happy go lucky Britt. Nothing is bothering me...(ya right)

About an hour later phone rings, its him...ugh I don't answer. Then my cell rings...ugh...The guy can't leave me alone! So I waited a while and then returned his call. I though if I didn't he would be suspicious. He obviously knew I was home doing nothing! He told me he called to tell me something funny S3 said on the way home. That was it. He hasn't done that in 6 weeks. Now he needs to call me to tell me these little things? I just wanted to scream " YOU KNOW WE COULD SHARE THESE FUNNY MOMENTS OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING THROUGH TOGETHER IF YOU WOULD JUST COME HOME! YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY WANTING TO SHARE THEM WITH ME BY CALLING ME!"

We don't argue, we don't have problems, we get along better than ever lately (other than one silly drunken night on sat) which we still basically got along, but anyways, so what is stopping him from walking in the door?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

What I mean by "reactionary" is that you seem completely incapable of NOT reacting to him, when he pushes your buttons (and sometimes, not even that hard) . . . even when you KNOW you shouldn't.

Your posts are riddled with examples of it.

[Lll54]

K so by being incapable of not reacting to him, Do you mean the over analyzing and mind reading I do on my own after the fact? Cause I dont think I really act on him until after he is gone.

[TrentC]

Sadgirl, I love my husband.I have loved him since the day I set eyes on him. I don't want to love anybody else. I don't want to be anybody else's wife. That's what's wrong with it.

There is really nothing wrong with wanting to save your marriage. We're all in the same boat because we want to be with our spouses.

The issue is to not let your love for your husband define you. You are not your marriage. You can be in love with your husband and still be an individual.

As for tonight. I'm sitting in my robe watching t.v. and there goes the garage door. He popped by to get swimming shorts for the boys so they can go swimming tonight. We have a few minutes of conversation. He asks me what I was up to today. I told him not much. (Obviously I was in my robe and my hair wasn't done! errr..) So he leaves. Not even five minutes later the garage door opens again. He comes in saying he needs trunks for himself so he goes to the bedroom and grabs them.

OK, so whose responsibility was it to get stuff ready for the kids? Yours or his? Why did he have to come back for stuff?

Well if HE wants to get him a hockey table for xmas, why is it going in "my" house. I realize he is at is sister's now and there is no room and its not his house so it kind of has to go here. But once again, I read into things. " WE will just move the train table out and put it there" Well its your gift to your son, and I'm not going to play hockey with him, you are, so if its here H can't play it with him obviously.

There is another way to handle it; you handle it like:

"I don't think it's a good idea to be making large purchases while you are still trying to figure out what you want in this relationship, and certainly not if you don't have room for them over at your sister's place."

About an hour later phone rings, its him...ugh I don't answer. Then my cell rings...ugh...The guy can't leave me alone! So I waited a while and then returned his call. I though if I didn't he would be suspicious.

So you answer and say "Hey, I'd love to visit but so-and-so just invited me to go out and get something to eat. I'll talk to you tomorrow" and stop taking his calls for the night.

so what is stopping him from walking in the door?

Pride? Embarassment? Stubbornness? A conviction that you haven't really changed? An OW on the side?

Doesn't matter. I realize that he's not making it easy on you, but you need to stick to your guns and leave it alone for the week.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

K so by being incapable of not reacting to him, Do you mean the over analyzing and mind reading I do on my own after the fact? Cause I dont think I really act on him until after he is gone.

No, I don't. I mean the way you react to him at the time. Go back and read your prior posts.

[TrentC]

Britt,

I know you said that you don't go to church, but maybe it's time to start again.

Depending on the size of your church, they often have women's ministries or new members' ministries where you can meet people.

I'm not saying that you have to become born again; the church exists to help people in all walks of life.