A year is not that far back. I just wanted to show you that you are repeating a vicious cycle. What would be so terrible about giving up alcohol all together?
Nothing. I just got caught up in the moment last night.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Do not let this NEW girl hear you talk like you are posting this afternoon. She will drop off the radar very quickly and you will be back to square one. Get off the Internet and call her!
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
No response from W today. No email either saying how she wants to work the schedule and holidays.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
KerryK, I did not have dinner with her last night. I canceled on her, asked her to send me her plans via email, dressed up, dropped the kids off, and split out of there. Left her confused.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Ok, look, I am just going to make this post and try to stay on topic about what I see happening here.
Lets remove your situation from the discussion and look at it in a new way. Lets say you were hiking in the desert for hours and your canteen ran out of water. And its like 150 degrees and you are so thirsty you feel like you might die. And for miles and miles you can see NOTHING but sand and sun. No people, no phones, no help... NOTHING. But you keep going. And right when you are about to drop over dead from dehydration and exhaustion you spot a hole filled with water. But the water has poo and dead animals floating in it. I bet you one million dollars that water would be the best damn water you EVER TASTED IN YOUR LIFE! Even though the water clearly was toxic you would not care because without it you would die.
As I see it, last night when you cancelled on your W at the last minute, showed up to drop off the kids acting all confident and strong and went on your way you get a tremendous boost of *something*. I think the *something* was finally feeling like you had some control. So, you go to the bar and some hot little lady starts to pay attention to you. Most probably because the confidence boost you got from the exchange you had with your wife was just oozing from your pores.
Nothing wrong with drinking up female attention. Nothing wrong with meeting new people and having fun. What I find disturbing are the following points....
(A) you were so darn judgemental about your W and her desire to meet men and went so far as to call her a whore. But when the tables turned you realized how nice it felt. Use this as a lesson next time you feel judgement creeping in.
(B) when you have been without "water" for a LONG time any form of liquid will sound like the best thing ever. Make new friends, meet new people just don't lap it up like you are dying of thirst.
(C) I do believe you use external factors to pacify your pain and anger. We all have done it so I wont bash you for that, its just that you continue to do it. And you MUST be happy within before you can be happy with somebody else. And I don't think you are a happy person. I think you are a sad person, afraid of change, unable to move forward and you change your strategies as quickly as the wind blows to find the easiest way out. I did that too and it landed me in the hospital because eventually the anxiety of not helping myself in the proper way ate at my soul.
(D) If you are in AA why don't you have a sponsor? You said SHE wanted to do a couple of shots and she wanted you to do them with her. Well, if she wanted you to jump off the highest building in Dallas would you have? Why not say... thanks for the offer but in the past alcohol has been an issue in my life so I will pass but enjoy! I feel you did not say that because you wanted to please her and show her how fun you are.
As I said, I am ALL for making new friends of both sexes and going out and having fun. I just don't feel you are at a point where you can handle a female platonic friendship because you are so "thirsty".
I am your friend but you feel no attraction to me because I also have no problem kicking your ass up and down and calling you out on BS. But not this chicky that you met last night... she stroked your ego. Cool. We ALL need an ego stroking from time to time. Proceed with caution.
Do what you want but the way you flip flop is a red flag. First you are glad you posted and got very honest feedback. Then you got pissed about the feedback. Then you wanted to take your toys and go home because things got too heated.
If I ever come to Dallas I am coming to your house. I will spend 15 minutes shaking the sh*t out of you then we will go dancing.
My uncle was an alcoholic for THIRTY years. He threw his life away. He had a full ride to LSU to play football and if you want his name you can Google it and he still holds records there. He was on the fast track to the NFL and he threw it all way on drinking. He threw away three marriages to lovely women due to drinking. He destroyed his R with his son. He destroyed his R with both his parents and they passed away before any amends could be made. By some grace of amazing strength my mom and her two sister stuck by their brother. He was sober for just 20 months or so we thought. He simply replaced drinking with gambling. Then he needed an emergency bypass and that nobody even thought he would live through. And he made it. And after my mom and her sisters dropped everything in their life for weeks and weeks to help him w/his recovery from the bypass guess what he did the day he went home. He started drinking again. Just one drink was all it took.
I just feel until you have some internal peace external factors will always rule your life. And no external factor will provide you with peace.
Nothing wrong with having fun and meeting people. But know where you are at and what you can handle.
If I ever come to Dallas I am coming to your house. I will spend 15 minutes shaking the sh*t out of you then we will go dancing.
lol. Can you west coast swing dance?
Anyways, as usual that is an excellent analysis. Yes, my ego was heavily stroked. But I will pass on the drinks from anyone going forward. You are right in what I could have said instead. I am sorry to hear that about your dad. I am sure it was terrible to live through.
I guess I can't take chances with this sort of thing. I don't want it to turn back into what it used to be. I do have 2 sponsors now by the way. I just didn't call them.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
BTW, How exactly did you FAIL as a Stander? Because you talked to a girl at a bar. Please stop the pity parties already. Why do you need this attention?
Negative Mental Attitudes like that will kill you. Even though you are just saying it to get attention it's still BAD.
