WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Over the weekend I did send her an email that said the following:

Wife,

It is coming up on 11 months since your decision to divorce. For much of the last year, I had believed in us, despite your action of filing. I believed that we would be able to rebuild our marriage into a loving one if we both worked on it. It’s difficult to be wrong in any situation, but especially for something so important.

While it was not the outcome we had wanted, following the discoveries and events over the past several weeks, I do accept that fact that we will not be able to renew the relationship.

With that said, I still believe that we both know better than any third party what is in the best interest for our boys and that we can come to agreement with the legal aspects co-parenting without having matters dragged into court for public view."

There was some more stuff related to legal/tactical stuff, but that was the gist of it. I had also attached a proposal for the points we needed to formalize (basically it was what we are currently doing). As of this morning, she still hadn't responded to it nor acknowledged that she got anything. Guess we're going to court on Thurs.....

[MrBond]

So what prompted that?

[confusedinpa]

Pretty much that we have a number of court dates coming up over the next 8 weeks. Each one will cost about $4K in legal fees unless we come to agreement. So it came down to the point where I'm letting her know that I'm moving on with my life. I will not be her backup plan nor will I continue to pine and wait for her.

She hasn't made any move to change course nor gave any indication/desire to do so. I'm not sure even if she did, I would want to, but this is the final wake up call....

[MrBond]

If you're expecting this to be the final wake-up call for her, I dont' think it's going to happen. Honestly I think she needs to see the shoe on the other foot. She needs to see you with someone or perceive that you're with someone and have them interact with the kids.

She hasn't felt any "loss". Does she still call you to chit chat?

[confusedinpa]

If you're expecting this to be the final wake-up call for her, I dont' think it's going to happen. Honestly I think she needs to see the shoe on the other foot. She needs to see you with someone or perceive that you're with someone and have them interact with the kids.

She hasn't felt any "loss". Does she still call you to chit chat?

Pretty much she's stopped the chit chatting after my conversation with her a couple of weeks after I confronted her. We had a long discussion on how to rebuild trust - about 3 hours - where she admitted to cheating on me in the first 1.5 hours of the call. She appologized for hurting me, but felt she did what she had to do to "survive". We had left it that we need to talk more to try and rebuild the trust. I told her to call me if she wants to talk and she said I should do the same. She never called. Some could argue that I could have called as well, but I didn't.

She has always, particularly over the last couple of years, said she felt I was cheating on her and there was someone else. I had always assured her there wasn't.

She did remark about how I suddenly have all these new friends since she left. Making particular note when there were female friends. I had left her in the dark.

Personally, I think she's used it to continue to justify what she's done. I know that's mind reading, but I have been with her for 12 years so I do feel I know something about her. Even when she is wrong, she won't admit it and will find things that others have done to justify what she did. That is how she is - failure to take responsibility.

Even when she admitted she cheated on me, she said she did it because if she didn't she was going to lose her mind because of how I was ignoring her. She said that if I paid more attention to her she wouldn't have talked to "strangers" who would listen. I just reminded her that I wasn't the one to put another guy's c*ck in her mouth.

So either way, I've done all that I've done. Good and bad. I own that. She hasn't. It won't work if she doesn't own up to her part. I've tried to show her all the reasons and the possibilities, but she refuses.

I have no regrets. I lived with honor and fought my heart out. I can look my boys in the eyes and tell them that I tried with everything I got to keep our family together. When they are older and want to know the truth of what happened I will tell them. If not, I will not force a bad image of their mother upon them. Boys need to love their mother. No matter how crappy they are.

Ironically, prior to me finding out the truth, I had a conversation with her where I shared a song with her (remember she had shared the "Buy Me a Rose" song with me as her attempt to get through to me). I thought I would try the same. I shared with her, by Kenny Rogers "I Can't Unlove You". I did it on the phone as she would refuse to talk with me one on one in person. She cried when she heard it and I really meant that I couldn't find a way to stop loving her.

Oddly enough, I didn't think it was possible, but I think I have. At least for the most part....

So I'm continuing to live my life with honor and no regrets. FIDO

[confusedinpa]

Never got an answer/response from her and I sent the email to both her work email and her personal one. I was tempted to send it to her secret one that's she doesn't know I know about that's tied to her match.com account but thought that could be tipping my hand to how much I know.

So tomorrow we go to court and spend $600/hour in lawyer fees.....

FIDO

[MrBond]

Hang in there buddy. My prayers go out to you and your kids.

[confusedinpa]

Thanks bro. I know I can count on folks here to support me. You have always been here.

It's a crappy situation for everyone involved and everyone sees it, even my 3 year old, except for my WAW.

My 7 year old did manage to make me laugh the other nite. His fish, Speedy, died (not the funny part) at the mother's apt. He was sad about it but she had already bought another one. I asked him what he named the new one and he said "Speedy the Sequel" :-)

I'm at the point where I know I've lived with honor and will continue to do so. I can look my boys in the eye and live without any regrets. I have tried everything to save this marriage and bring the four of us back together. It didn't happen, but I still have my family. It is just me and my two boys. For that I am still grateful and happy.

Thanks again for the prayers and support...

[sandi2]

I'm at the point where I know I've lived with honor and will continue to do so.

And....in doing so, you will teach your sons. You will raise them well. Be proud.

Needless to say, you will certainly be in my prayers tomorrow. Remember that the Bible says that "If God be for us....who can be against us?" So, you definetly have the stronger power in your corner. You respected your M and you tried to keep it together....and when things got too bad to bear, you tried for just for the sake of your children. I believe that b/c you are striving to live with honor, it will not go unnoticed. Hope you can turn it all over to God to take care of the decisions tomorrow, and you rest in your faith in Him.

Get a good night's sleep. You have many here you can claim as friends. (And one of them even lets you call her mom. )

[antlers]

I lived with honor and fought my heart out. I can look my boys in the eyes and tell them that I tried with everything I got to keep our family together.

I believe you CIPA.