Ok, so now yall know. I am also human. I let myself get caught up in the moment and totally enjoyed it. I didn't think I was human for so long. But I guess I am.
It was interesting not thinking about my W last night. I just felt alive and good about myself. I really enjoyed her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I agree with everyone else that there was nothing wrong with a little female interaction. The question is are you seeing it more like a friendship or are you getting "intoxicated" because it's another drug to substitute your W? You've shown in the past that you've substituted one form of addiction for another. I can see this as being the same. That's why you're falling so deeply for this person.
For God's sake it was only one night. If you felt totally intoxicated with this person, then you've got a bigger issue. It's not a grown up R. For all you know, she felt lonely too and latched onto you because of that.
This. Also, if you think you can get to know a stranger in any way that even approaches deeply and authentically in one evening in a bar, you are in no way ready for ANY relationship.
Instant spark? A little opposite-sex validation. Sure, absolutely. But that's ALL it is. A healthy relationship is not based on mutual ego stroking.
Serious question: What was so awesome about her *beyond the fact* that she was reasonably attractive and kept blowing off other guys to stay focused on you?
Also, watch your vocabulary. I see repeated phrases like, "I was captivated by her, I shouldn't allow her to draw me in", etc. That betrays an attitude of powerlesseness relative to this woman that is neither mature nor attractive. I highly doubt you were just sitting there like a bump on a log, not responding, and it was all her. The same would be true of any repeat interactions. Own your own stuff.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
I didn't say I was sitting there quiet like a bump on a log. I said eventually I started ignoring her and paying attention to the tv because other guys were hitting on her. But she kept blowing them off to talk to me. 6 hours with a person and you run out of things to say at various points. I am owning my own stuff. Like I said, I sat down next to her initially. And I started talking to her while the game was on. But then I would turn away and focus on the game and she would talk to me more. It wasn't all her at first. But after a while, it became more her than me. And I did get cocky with her and would focus back on the game and she just seemed more interested in me.
It was a fun night.
ppenton, I had 2 shots with her later on in the night. I am still following the 12 step program, but I loosened up last night as the evening went on. It was more just having fun with her. She wanted to do a couple of shots and so I did 2 with her.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Also, watch your vocabulary. I see repeated phrases like, "I was captivated by her, I shouldn't allow her to draw me in", etc. That betrays an attitude of powerlesseness relative to this woman that is neither mature nor attractive. I highly doubt you were just sitting there like a bump on a log, not responding, and it was all her. The same would be true of any repeat interactions. Own your own stuff.
This is why I feel like he's considering this woman as an escape hatch. You got swept up by one night of deep, meaningful conversation? It happens.
You are a grown adult and a moral agent. Own your feelings and take responsibility for your actions, both then and now.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I had 2 shots with her later on in the night. I am still following the 12 step program, but I loosened up last night as the evening went on. It was more just having fun with her. She wanted to do a couple of shots and so I did 2 with her.Kevin
Only 2 shots!?! Seriously!?! It's not like you're an ADDICT or anything. WTF!!! Kevin. You're still following the 12 step program!?! What program is that. I don't recall any of the steps of the AA program allowing shots.
Who are you kidding!?!
Please get HELP for your ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY. Until then your life will continue to be a ROLLERCOASTER FROM HELL.
Come on man! You can do this. You have to learn how to handle pain without ADDICTION. You cant keep on running from this. It's a VICIOUS CYCLE that will always come back around and DESTROY YOU and YOUR LOVED ONES.
How can you say you are still following the "12 Step Program" if you are not even past the first step of "DENIAL". You still think you have CONTROL of your LIFE.
At this point, it's OBVIOUS to eveyone on this board, especially 25, that you just come here for ATTENTION. Why cant you come for HELP and ADVICE like most people and actually DO what is advised. Until then you are just going to keep on repeating this sick cycle of hurting yourself and others.
From your posts it really sounds like a bad idea for you to see her again.
"I really enjoyed her." What's up with that comment? You should say "I really enjoyed myself". You talk about her as if she were a dog. It really doesn't sound that healthy for you especially since that one interaction had you taking a couple of shots.
You just made an excuse as to why it was okay for you to take the shots. The next thing you're going to do is explain why it's okay for you to drink again, then to kiss her, then to have sex with her.
I have a feeling this is going to fall on deaf ears but hey you're the adult right? You're the one who criticized everyone for not being a Stander right? You were the one who said when you are divorced you are still married to your covenant partner right? So technically you're going out with a M woman. Kind of like how you condemned your W for doing the same and calling her a harlot.
It's not so bad if it's just for friendship but who the hell are you fooling? Your post is like a little boy deep in a crush. It's up to you if you want to continue seeing her (which I have a feeling you're going to do no matter what anyone tells you). It just seems pretty unhealthy for YOU. But that's okay, I guess your Ds will think it's okay. Heck they're Mom's doing it any way.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I had 2 shots with her later on in the night. I am still following the 12 step program, but I loosened up last night as the evening went on.
Sounds like you are going along well with the 12 step program.
Why is it that you mentioned some woman talking to you instead of this? Why don't you feel guilty about this?
Are the changes you are making for yourself? Are you really truly making any changes?
Everything you have done is about getting your W back. Making a stand and going back to church is that really about you finding God and yourself or just a ploy to get your W back.
If you are looking for someone to say ok Kevin you suffered long enough go throw this woman down and get on with your life. Go do it then. It's the fastest way out for you. Have fun for the next 3 months until she gives you the boot and then you can go back to Standing for your marriage.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Ok, so now yall know. I am also human. I let myself get caught up in the moment and totally enjoyed it. I didn't think I was human for so long. But I guess I am.
OMG. Kevin's human. Lets smash his spirits and talk about the devil and drinking and lets confuse him with a million things we think he should do instead of living life and enjoying himself. Kevin have you read this book yet, it might help......
RUIN HIM! RUIN HIM! RUIN HIM! He was smiling.
Even better lets contridict ourselves and tell him one thing one week and something different today. Woo Hoo. We rule at befuddling Kevin. Who knows maybe this woman was an alien sex fiend and plans on abducting Kevin so they can use him as a sex slave to help repopulate their alien race. And here we go telling Kevin he needs to question himself yet again. Jeez.
Enjoy yourself Kevin. Do what makes YOU happy. Do what you want and do it for yourself.
I hear ya Steve. Human or dancer? Just like the killers song. What's the definition of insanity again? I must be insane. Right. Go have fun. I think that's what all of us have been saying for the last year. Move on. Detach. GAL! Date. Stop drinking. Go to AA. Leave your WAW da He11 alone. I'm all for making new friends, but being in DENIAL of BIGGER ISSUES is a whole other DEAL.
