Good Morning guys, Bill, the no intimacy thing is because the doc said, no sex till he has the next test an dprobably the little procedure. At least that is what he told me. I havent tried to "seduce" him or anything and he hasnt either. I can wait till then. As much as I need to feel close to a man (yeah, I know how that sounds), I am not desperate to start initiating while he had told me he cant. Also, for me, it is important we get some elephants out of the room first.
I dont think he feels like telling me anything. Like what? He is pretty much in defense mode right now. Mentioning W was something like a breakthrough for him. He didnt allow himself to comment on this as he has told my friend.
And to answer your other very important question. When the affair happened, we were at the lowest point of our R. Both of us. I know that. As far as his answer, because I asked him exactly that question, is, I am the woman of his life, he loves me, he can tell me it wont happen again but there is no other way to prove it than show me as years go by.
Yes he is focused on him, he is trying to do damage control. Only he had no idea about how much the damage is. He is just now, starting to get it, believe it or not. As discussed before, in one of my fun threads, my stbxh is a "pigstrich" (pig/ostrich). I think he wished and hoped we could go just turn a switch on and go back to our happy days.
John,a fixation it is. Point taken and accepted. I am allowed to a few, no? How is my niece?
RTL, I think he is far from getting that. And that is my biggest fear. Not that he will cheat on me again, that I will end up in a relationship with a man that will be boring and stagnate. K
Saffie, will check to see if we are friends... Thanks
Hey!! Dont worry, I didnt mention it. During his last apt, the stone was still there and they told him to revisit the doctor on the 20th and then if it still is there, they will take it out thru his... He is really worried about that. I told him it will probably hurt like H$LL!!!! K
You are gaining a deeper awareness of your ambition and the yet unexplored land that lies ahead of you. But before you go any further I suggest you be willing to question your own wounds surrounding any mistrust within a relationship. Could it be that the depth of your desire for someone or something scares even you? No doubt this is leveling the playing field in your life. But this is an important balancing of power within your deepest commitments. There are relationships whose potential you have barely explored the tip of. If you can trust and recognize another’s gifts and what they have to offer, you could stand to reap tangible and emotional rewards of a partnership. You need not fear losing control or your position. This is only teaching you a lesson in true depth, honesty and commitment."
xxx
Bworl, with respect, I have to point out that I also asked my now returned WAS to talk to his ow, in the early weeks of our reconciliation. Partly for her sake (because I felt for her getting hurt, to explain it wasnt her fault, that he just never got over me), partly so she wouldnt be a shadow on our R (as their work organisations are 'partners' so potential to be in contact). He refused, for the exact same reasons Kalni's H has given. I accepted those reasons as truth of how he really felt and also valid. My fixation on ow is understandable, but MY problem. It didnt mean he didnt want me back, wasnt sincere, didnt love me or was only focused on himself. Quite the contrary. As he said, he had moved on and he didnt want to go back and have to answer to her. It was over, it wasnt about her anymore, but about me and him now.
I accepted his answers, respected his reasons and TRUSTED him that it was over and he was done (yes, it IS possible when affairs end for the WAS to be done), but the R was shorter than K's H, so its ok K if YOU need more time to feel comfortable enough to let it go and not allow ow anymore power to harm this M.
Love Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I think he is far from getting that. And that is my biggest fear. Not that he will cheat on me again, that I will end up in a relationship with a man that will be boring and stagnate.
Boring is not healthy for a relationship. Men can do boring, but women can not. I'm learning a lot and one thing I'm sure of is a bored woman is an unhappy woman who will look elsewhere for her excitement.
I still will hope he wakes up to this fact very soon. Maybe you should go on-line and purchase David Cunningham's e-book "The Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and have H read it. He'll learn through that about how a bored woman will be one who leaves a boring man behind.
..or at least get him to sign up for the newsletters. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Partly for her sake (because I felt for her getting hurt, to explain it wasnt her fault, that he just never got over me), partly so she wouldnt be a shadow on our R (as their work organisations are 'partners' so potential to be in contact).
I am a bit stunned by this. Had I taken my W back, I would have had no pity whatsoever for OM having a broken heart. Quite frankly, I would have been high with Schadenfreude. Especially if he had gotten the STD from her.
..or at least get him to sign up for the newsletters. FIB
Guys, weirdly, I signed up for those newsletters 3 days ago. And I dont think he could understand them. Not unless David writes in football terms.
I am obssesing... Poor John freaked out listening to me. I dont know if I can do this. It's noot being in or out, it's about being able to leave it behind. K
Hey K, dont be hard on yourself. A 3 year affair is ALOT to get over, it may take longer. It may be after trying for longer, you still cant. You are only human. Just try not to knee jerk for now. Always here for you of course, if you need more ears...Hey but at least you changed yuor tagline! xxx
