I never thought I would be here

[2overcome]

Hello everyone, looks like I made it through the weekend. Tried keeping myself busy - went out Friday night to watch some bands play, went to a friend's house Saturday to play some guitar, then tried out a church Sunday. As I write this I am trying to push past some hurt, I am having one of those "hurt" moments. Through all that is going on, I have decided to give my marriage and my wife to God. This is easier said than done, because me being human - part of me has a hard time letting go, but I am praying to God to give me the strength and wisdom to be able to truly give this all to him. I think I was praying for the wrong thing in the beginning for a "quick fix". I now know that I am praying for God to turn my marriage around, but giving me strength and grace to focus on myself and giving me strength to change into a better man. I WANT to change - for myself. During the church service yesterday, the pastor said something that caught my attention - "Our future is better than our past...". I know it was God telling me something. IF that weren't all I was sitting in the pew when a lady came up to me and said "God told me to tell you that he loves you. He knows that you are feeling all alone and hurt, but he wants you to know that he is here with you...". I broke down into some heavy tears and a heavy heart. I had told no one of my situation there, and this was my first service attending at this church. I am focusing on re-establishing my relationship with God, I know for too long I was running from him. I am praying that he teaches me the true meaning of love, after all love is mentioned many times in the bible, and love is the greatest and strongest thing. I have realized that I lost focus on what love really is. I think we all might have... And I know that the Lord is capable of all things - I know he can turn this marriage around. But I need to do some work, and I need to change for the better and trust in him. I know I had mentioned last Friday about trying to move on and maybe start dating if I had to... I feel that is the wrong mindset to have, and I am not going that route. To me that just feels wrong. I was a fool for thinking that... On another note, after watching the bands and picking up my guitar this weekend, I have this desire to take up songwriting again. A thought crossed my mind of putting my experiences to songs - maybe even putting together an album called "Through the Valley of Despair". I want it to reflect the pain that one goes through, but later how one can find strength in spite of their situation and overcome... I guess for me it is my form of therapy