I don't know that it was wrong. I just know that I wouldn't have said that, and why I wouldn't have.
I can tell you that I think she isn't going to care about your "I" statements.
Kid, you're walking in a minefield. I can't tell you walk straight 5 feet turn left 45 degrees then walk 4 feet...in order to get out of it, cause I do not know.
I can tell you to move slowly, and carefully check the ground ahead of you. As in KISS.
You're doing great not rising to her bait. : )
Look, if she is pi55ed off, why are you trying to talk to her? You of all people right now are very unlikely to UN-pi55 her off and more likely to step on a mine.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Two wks ago on the Monday is the last time i asked to talk to her.
She emails me, texts or calls, with a set up, something business like, I'm nice back and then she goes off, you have seen the emails from her.
She has done that since June. We have had two face to face talks since september and man i'm stepping back.
She is so wanting to be ticked right now and has been that way.
I'm not angry at what she is going thru, I'm worried of course, but i have no control. I pick and choose what to respond back to.
No she doesn't care about my i statements, i know that, and she has no idea how broke i am, because she isn't going to be sympathetic, but i am starting to thrive and she is needing me more than i need her according to what she is emailing and texting about money.
I printed off the first 25 pages of this thread, i'm going to re read some stuff again.
she's tricky because she writes these book emails. i need 24 hrs just so i can read them then decide what to type back, then i practice it, it probably takes me an hour to proof read what i do email back.
So you know that she is setting you up....so then it KISS it! Maybe just once when she sends you a confrontational text or email respond with a boundary. Basically tell her that you will no longer respond to emails or text that are confrontational. Setting the ground work that you will only communicate effectively and you deserve better than being repeatedly attacked. Once you send that email though...you can not respond to those emails...period. Boundaries are useless unless you can enforce them (old sage wisdom I have received). Then to the acceptable emails...still KISS it!
What I see is that you keep trying to communicate and she attacks. That is a vicious circle that will continue until you end it.
There isn't a clear cut right or wrong to communicating with your wife. A better way of thinking about is that until she communicates to you in a trusting and heartfelt way....communication is fruitless. Say I offered you an incredible investment opportunity with a guaranteed 200% return and the only thing you need to do is get me $1,000,000 in two days. The return is awesome, no risk, but there is 0.00000000001% chance that you can come up with the money in two days. So it is fruitless for me to talk with you because you are going to laugh at the money requirement and basically stop listening because you don't care what I have to say...that is were your wife is.
hey guys she texted me this am, kids are sick, so i texted i'll take them, she texted back ok and symptons.
D wouldn't go, took S. S said dad not really sick mom came in this am and said didn't need to go to school.
MLC'er texted me twice to find out what doc said.
I had emailed her she didn't know it, so 2nd text:sorry emailed you this is what dr said.D didn't go.
Got an email from her then, it was pleasant, i was pleasant back, no I anywhere in it,ended it with text call kids all you want, hopefully they'll give you a break enjoy your wkend.
nothing since and nothing confrontational.
I've always been nice, I'll KISS, but i'm not going to stop being nice. Glad she let me take to dr, i sensed she was testing me, think she's tired of being a "mommie."
she did change stuff in the house, if D would've come up, no way would i have gone in.
told S "hey like how your mom's decorating things." funny thing she moved chair she hated upstairs that i wanted upstairs. S said she moved her old favorite chair. it was one she had to have this spring that we got together.
she emailed me to tell me where she was going this wkend,asked about a parent bball meeting and to let her know if our football team wins let her know, what's funny is i coach it now but she referred to the team as if "they" win.
emailed her just be nice to referees.
she emailed back:not promising anything
all i could do not to email yeah your promises turned into bs. vent
just emailed back ok don't rush the floor,you'd freak s out, it'd be funny though.
nothing from her today.
kids and i's adventure at new place starts tonight at 5:30.
D already starting stuff, she'll live I'll handle it. Looking forward to being a better parent. I know that's one thing that is going to happen gradually, but my out of control teen is going to learn boundaries and respect.
WKend went great with the kids, S woke up and cried Sunday am, I laid with him and just let him cry told him it was good to cry and not hold back.
Let the kids get stuff for new place. They know i love them and their mom.
MLC texted me a couple times Sat.Let S text her back and talk to her. I did text how'd presentation go, she actually answered "went fine." I simply texted back "good."
Kids know I think this "sux and it's not going to be alright."
But D noticed that "Dad I've never seen you so happy." then asked when I turned into such a jesus freak. She noticed the bible and I prayed with them, also let them know the prayer I say everyday.We've had Christ out of our life,not forcing anything on them, just leading by example.
Telling the kids, mom doesn't mean what she's saying be patient with her. I'm giving her time, space and patience you do the same please. They've noticed her change in behavior, she's more outgoing on who she doesn't like and really has been putting me down. I defend myself when necessary with kids, they both said, dad it isn't fair, go back to your old job, you gave us everything.
