Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

I just read up on co-dependence. Yes, it is me in a nutshell. It is also my H. The whole reason he left was cause he was tired of trying to please me all the time. So we both fall under this category. How do we get out?

Counseling. For you, at least.

I'm trying not to mind read. It just hurts to hear things like that because he hasn't said anything like that in a long time. Things have been so good, so it just took me for a new ride.

No, you are mind reading. Asking things like "What does this mean? Is this sign #1 he is done again?" is a perfect example.

Maybe he is done with you; maybe he's not. While he makes up his mind one way or the other, he's going to say contradictory things that can upset you.

I don't go to church. I was raised in church but since I went away to college and stuck here I never really got back into it. Of course I believe, but I'm not quite at the place where you are suggesting.

Maybe that is a good place to start, then...

I think I'm going to take my DB book to counseling today. I am interested to hear what he has to say about it.

Don't be surprised if he doesn't see the value in it, or thinks it's "game-playing".

I know no relationship talk. Believe me I wake up every morning with a pit in my stomach wanting to talk so bad but this is one thing I've been successful at. I have no brought "us" and "R" up since I've started DB'ing.

Um, that's not true at all.

The conversation in the truck about the banquet? That was R talk.

The conversation at the banquet? R talk.

Asking him to come home with you (with the subtext that you wanted to sleep with him)? R talk.

Every time you let him come to the house without setting boundaries? It's because you want to talk about the relationship.

I could dig through the rest of your comments and find examples, but I think you get my point.

I will also bring up my anxiety problems with him today and see what he thinks.

This is essential. If you are suffering from a temporary chemical imbalance -- or worse, been suffering from a long-standing one -- then addressing that may make the rest of this easier.

Yes sadgirl, I always listen to Trent. Look where he is at today. Its wonderful. I only hope to be there one day. He is hitting his head against the wall everytime he reads my posts.

Only because I see you say one thing and do another. Like I said before; once you get yourself off of this emotional rollercoaster, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

You don't understand how much I appreciate you taking the time to help me. Many people would have given up on me by now. And you probably should too, but you are different. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If we didn't think you were capable of doing what needs to be done to turn this around, we wouldn't be slinging 2x4s the way we are.