Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

I went to the co-dependence site that was suggested. But just skimmed through it. I will look at it more in detail today.

You'd better, for everyone's sake.

Thanks. I know self-discipline is huge right now. Definitely did not have that the other night. Of course I regret my actions. I was doing so well too. I don't how everyone can read DB and follow the rules so well? I've read it and I've done good on certain things but can't seem to do well in all areas. Maybe I need to work on my self discipline more.

Pretty much.

We are all working it at, taking it one day at a time, getting frustrated by the lack of progress and setbacks that will crop up.

I know I need to detach. It just doesn't seem to be working. I've read up on it, I've read the thread on here about it. I know what it is inside and out. But like Trent said my world still revolves around him. Again, self discipline. Can't seem to find that in myself.

You said that your IC is your pastor; that implies that you attend church, at least semi-regularly.

Try giving your frustrations and anger and resentment up to God. Ask him for forgiveness. Ask him to take that burden off of you so you can function.

I apologized for asking for his help all the time and he made a gut wrenching comment. "You know we are going to be talking to each other everyday for the next 15 years its okay to ask me for help once in a while" So now I'm lost again. What does this mean? Is this sign #1 he is done again?

It doesn't matter what he says! Rule number one of divorce busting is "believe nothing of what they say, and only half of what they do."

If you take anything away from this conversation, take this one thing:

STOP TRYING TO MIND-READ. STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!

I know this is a boundary setting opportunity but I still have that notion in the back of my head saying that if it happens maybe it will give us a chance to talk. I know its stupid.

Yes, it is.

It is extremely stupid, because every time you have thought that, and tried to use it as an opportunity to talk about the R, against all of the advice you have been given, you have been frustrated and disappointed.

No relationship talk. Period.

Definitely not detached, definitely no self-discipline. I'm going to read up on co-dependence this afternoon. I have a meeting with the MC this morning. We'll see how that goes.

Use it as an opportunity to bring all of these things up that we have been discussing. Talk to your MC about co-dependance. Talk to your MC about your anxiety issues.