Can I save my marriage?

[Lll54]

I went to the co-dependence site that was suggested. But just skimmed through it. I will look at it more in detail today. Thanks. I know self-discipline is huge right now. Definitely did not have that the other night. Of course I regret my actions. I was doing so well too. I don't how everyone can read DB and follow the rules so well? I've read it and I've done good on certain things but can't seem to do well in all areas. Maybe I need to work on my self discipline more.

I know I need to detach. It just doesn't seem to be working. I've read up on it, I've read the thread on here about it. I know what it is inside and out. But like Trent said my world still revolves around him. Again, self discipline. Can't seem to find that in myself.

H called last night to talk about the boys for the week. He said he'd pick up the boys today from dayhome and maybe stay at his dads. He didn't bring up staying here. Thank gosh. Cause I know how weak I am. He continued to talk about other things. I brought up "winterizing" the backyard and some other things I need help with. Our garage door is broken and I can't fix those on my own. He said he would try to find a day to fix everything. I apologized for asking for his help all the time and he made a gut wrenching comment. "You know we are going to be talking to each other everyday for the next 15 years its okay to ask me for help once in a while" So now I'm lost again. What does this mean? Is this sign #1 he is done again? GReat baby steps and then a comment like this blows me out of the water. And also told me thursday when he has the boys he has another course for work. So I said fine, bring them back a day early. I'm not busy anyways. So he then said maybe he'll come over sunday after work, stay the night and stay monday morning till he goes back to work monday night. I didn't reply. I know this is a boundary setting opportunity but I still have that notion in the back of my head saying that if it happens maybe it will give us a chance to talk. I know its stupid.

Coach, you're right everything he does does impact me. That's exactly how I still feel. He completes me and our life. I thought I'd be over this hurdle by now. But it just seems to be getting worse.

Definitely not detached, definitely no self-discipline. I'm going to read up on co-dependence this afternoon. I have a meeting with the MC this morning. We'll see how that goes.

This week he has the boys. I have virtually talked to him everyday for the past 2 weeks. I've got to detach and I've got to do my own thing this week. I have to prepare to not see or talk to him until wed. night when he brings the boys back. I've done it before I can do it again. I need to CHOOSE to have this strength I long for. It needs to start today. I have been CHOOSING not to find it prior, and CHOOSING not to have any self-discipline, and CHOOSING not to detach. But now i know I have no reason to talk to him for a few days, so I'm going to use it as a good time to start making the right choices. A friend said to me, "you don't know what you're missing until its gone" "give him that feeling and he'll be sure to come running back to you" And its true. When I detached a bit in the third week, he did come running back. Then I reverted and things have gone downhill. Patience another struggle. I struggle with not talking to him about the day we discussed the future and the intimacy we shared that day. But I'll give it more time. Even if its against what my MC says to do.